September

Elsewhere
2017-09-11 02:09:58 (UTC)

Cherry.

You know those artificial cherries that you buy from the grocery store; the ones that smell so sickly, sweet it's nauseating. Well, my grandmother used them for varies baking recipes., or she would've had I not eaten the entire jar every time I found one In the cabinet.
It got so bad that she'd resulted in hiding them, but I always found them. Call it what you will, but I had a sixth sense: fake cherry sonar.
God rest her soul, I know I gave my grandmother a hard time, but she loved me none-the-less. I miss her dearly.
Hell, I say that, but in reality she'd be on my ass about school, and constantly bitching about how "filthy" my house is. But she'd be right; she always was. She used to tell me and my mother, "Ya'll wouldn't know how to wipe your asses without me." And she was right; well, figuratively. (I'm more than capable of attending to my own toiletry business.)
I've been thinking a lot (bear with me here). A lot about God and my spiritual journey.
Humanity gets so caught up and worrisome about this life, that they forget to focus. And I don't mean focusing on better grades in school, or making partner at a big law firm, I mean focusing on the life God wants you to live.
Now, if you are a non-believer/atheist, know I am not trying to convert you. If you are of a different religion and/or denomination, know that I am not speaking any less of your teachings. I believe that all holy texts, whether it be from Hinduism all the way down to Judaism, are of moral value. In essence, they are proclaimed words from God written by man and he is sinful. So it is because of this sin (and many years of translation/adaptation) that I read these texts loosely.
God is love, and love covers over a multitude of sins, However it's not enough just to be a good person. God wants us to grow and nourish the world with His light.
For you non-believers, I have a question. How can you simply right off the fact that a higher power doesn't exist? That we and all that is were created without purpose?
Can I be frank? I think you're just scared. Scared and angry, and all of you who say "the day I accepted there was no God I found peace." are full of shit because the day I decided there was no God... I found life to have little to no meaning; Nothing and everything mattered, but for what purpose? absolutely none. And what are we without purpose? Just existing: We're Elsewhere.
I don't know very many things and I'm hardly ever right (the one difference between me and my grandmother) but I know this for sure: Our God does not make mistakes. He is a merciful God, but also fearful.
I believe too many people get caught up on the fear. They lose their minds trying to grasp and explain how He is supposed to love us more than His only Son, yet we are shunned into hell solely because we don't believe. I think we need to stop trying and just be. Surrender to his will and let him deal with our worries.
I was angry at God, and it was exactly because of this. For many years, I rebuked Him. I turned from him, but I know he never left my side. Those years were the darkest parts of my life and I was utterly lost. I still am.
Correction: I'm growing; I'm finding my path, and I'd rather walk it with a limp instead of turning my back on it all just because it doesn't make sense. I'll continue down this way, wrestling with my faith, trusting in the maker to bring me home.




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