My Letter To The World
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2017-08-23 03:29:57 (UTC)

Terrible Tuesday

Mood: Drained physically, emotionally, spiritually mentally.
Song: I'll be By Edwin McCain
Color: Light pink

This day is exactly 2 hours from being officially over... it is 10PM and there for only two hours to go and i can't wait for it to be over...today sucked.
Drama with my Grandmother Bottling things up until she explodes where then she just screams and yells and says horrible things and acts completely insane.
And i'm just tired of it, i understand she's old, i understand her heath isn't good and i know that's why she lives with us, she needs some help but lately even without her excuse of "i was mad" to justify her words and actions she's just said some really horrible things and kicks us when we are down basically, specially talking about Josie and saying she wasn't family and just speaking ill of the dead.
Like in what realm of reality is it ever okay to say terrible things about someone who just passed away while your still grieving?
and all this drama and crap today... i'm just done.
I know that i need to forgive her, i know that i should have compassion but right now i'm just so angry and sad and hurt.
And i just don't want to have anything to do with her because it's just getting to where it hurts to much to try.... and i don't want to feel that way about her...but it's like she does things to push people away and well... what's she expect when she treats the people who love her and want to be there for her like dirt???

My mom is currently angry at me as well...not speaking to me.
But that is a relationship that will easily be mended, tomorrow we'll talk and it'll all be okay.
My Grandmother on the other hand... well that's not so easily fixed.

Estebaliz was really encouraging to me today, talked with me about a lot of this stuff and that was really nice, it was nice to have someone right here. i miss that. but the friendship is still so new that it's not like i can just pour everything out, and especially not this family stuff because of who my family is to her.... i would never do that to them or to her, it's enough that she knows that we struggle to and that life sucks sometimes.
That's why Friends like B or The Vampire are so important its them who see the un censored version of me...like for instance i think i've cursed more today when complaining to them than i have cursed in the past 6 months? a year? i don't curse often.
Usually the worst thing i say is that something sucks.
But today i literally had an I don't care about anything attitude and needed to vent.
I haven't really to B, but the Vampires heard most of it.

This day started good, then when down hill, back to okay, and then from down hill to worse.
Right now? i'm talking to the vampire, listening to sympathy by the Goo Goo Dolls.
I have a headache from crying earlier...

Though my dad read my younger sisters another chapter of the Chronicles of Narnia tonight and i listened in.
Those will forever be some of my favorite books.
Which did cheer me up a bit.
I feel so tired.
But don't think i'll sleep any time soon....

*Takes a deep breathe*
Tomorrow is a new day.
Everything will be okay.
Life is still beautiful.
You are still blessed beyond belief
God still has a purpose for everything.
Good things did happen today despite all the drama.
It's night time...the best time.
You can chill and breathe and recover.

Also... i worked on removing a wall today...haha yes power tools and such.
Shocking a certain magical creature who's exact words were "You get to operate power tools! Lucky!, first guns now this your too cool"
haha yes well my dad and i pretty much redid our whole house by our selves me and him, made rooms, walls, redid floors, Built a deck, put siding on the house, Worked on the roof, I know how to do a lot of carpentry.
I also can work on Cars ( if they are a bit older) not these new computerized things that's a different story.
My dad is a jack of all trades and he showed me how to do a lot of things so...there you go.
I know the basics in a lot of different subjects.
Plus shooting guns is fun :P target practice is fun.
That just goes to show Mr. Vampire that you don't as of yet know everything about me hahaha :P good luck with that.

Here's hoping a terrible Tuesday will turn into a wonderful Wednesday....
Gotta stay focused on doing the next right thing.