My Letter To The World
To bottom ↓
To top ↑
RSS subscribe

my-diary.org tip jar

Ad 0:
yX Media - Monetize your website traffic with us

2017-08-19 04:55:08 (UTC)

Both of us

Mood: Relaxed, Hopeful
Song: Move along by the All American Rejects
Color: Peach

it's 11:11 so make a wish.... Send a prayer out.

Now I was listening to Both of Us by B.O.B and Taylor swift earlier....and that song like many i associate with a certain time in my life where i was surrounded by certain people.
People i still love and care about to this day...people that i will always love and care about no matter what happens or how much time passes and i can say that with certainty because time has passed and things have happened some not so good and not so easy to get over and get through but in some instance we have and some instances we haven't but that doesn't stop you from caring.
I know i've said that i have to let people go, and that i don't care anymore.... which the first is a true statement and the second is not...but only because i don't think you really can stop caring about a person that you once really loved and cared about....like that doesn't just stop when the circumstances of your life and the relationship you have with said person changes.

But i got to thinking that maybe now that i'm a little bit older i might be a better friend, or a better person or just a stronger person not so easily dragged down but able to lift someone up.
The lyrics "I wish i was strong enough to lift not one but both of us, someday i will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us"
Strikes me both back in what 2012? when i first heard it, but still also now.
I think the the feelings associated with it bring me back to being with people that were the underdogs, with the people who come out of some really rough and unfair circumstances, who had struggles that were bigger than all of us.
With the people who were just trying to survive.
I heard this song in 2012, i was 17 at the time i believe.... but it brought me back a few years before that to when i was trying to be a good friend to the people around me, to when i was trying to just stay above water myself, let alone actually be able to genuinely be able to help someone else. But somehow we did, we my friends and i at that time did help each other.
I know that first i owe my life to God who saw and still sees purpose in me and has a reason for me to be alive but after that, i'm alive because of these few specific people somehow our mutual struggles and pain and stubbornness mixed with those moments of Laughter and freedom kept us together during a time when we needed it most...otherwise i don't know if some of us would have made it, which is an incredibly sad thought.

I would say that there are 3 people during this time that kept me going, 2 of the three i still speak to, the one i don't i still care about.
2 of the four of us from this time of 2007-2012 core group are married with kids, two are single, all are alive and well.
Which i am very thankful for....
I mean i know i sound dramatic no it's not like we were being hunted down by the mob when we were in Jr. High and High school but things we were dealing with at that time include:
Gangs and Gang Violence
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Verbal abuse
Self Harm
I know that unfortunately A LOT of young people face these things and more and that some of them are just..."normal" to happen which is horrible... but i don't think 12-17 year olds(or anyone really) but especially not kids should have to deal with things like that, and i know how these things effect people emotionally which is part of why i say that i'm so thankful that we are all still here... i know others that weren't so lucky.
I wish the people that i know and love from then, and the friends i have made since wouldn't have had to deal with some of the things on that list...but i don't know a person that hasn't had to deal with at least one thing on that list if not multiple things including myself.
and i grew up in a really safe and sheltered environment My friends at the time had it worse than i did.

I remember talking with one of my friend i think maybe it was in 2008-2009 and we were in the middle of some big changes and it was a rough time... My friend he was listing off all the things that had happened to us in that year so far and how it wasn't fair that we had no control over our own life's and i remember saying something to the effect of "There's got to be a reason for this right???" and also something like " we'll be better when we're older"

We'll be better when we're older.... It took time some many years...but it's 2017 and i think that we are better now that we are older.
We are stronger people.

It's not that we don't still have struggles cause we do, it's just different ones lol in a way i feel like we've come full circle it's like we've been so close...and then grew up, grew apart and then maybe we're getting to a part where you can grow back together? because those bonds that you made so young, out of pure need of having someone to lean on, don't go away and they don't easily break.


I wish i was strong enough to lift not one but both of us, someday i will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us

I can't help feeling nostalgic that song brought back a lot of this for me, but also finding some old camera cards yesterday with some pictures from back then....also brought back a lot of this.
I think i feel some guilt for not being a stronger person back then... i could have done better, been better,ect.
But i can't change what was, i can only start from now and do the best i can in life with friends and with anything....got to stay focused on doing the next right thing.