Screened In Porch

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2017-08-15 16:28:58 (UTC)

Can you really "feel" love?

I was told once by a child phycologist that these children in horrible environments who do not get held, hugged lovingly may grow into adults who have a very hard time connecting with the feeling of Love itself. These are the people who go from one relationship to another one as if they have a hard time being satisfied. It is not that they are ass holes. They are in fact searching for that love that most of us found already and know it. These lost souls sometimes never find true love or happiness. Sometimes even if they have kids, they still have a hard time feeling love for the kids or other parent. This explains why it is so easy for some parents to just pack up and walk off and never look back. Again, they did not feel it.

I am one of those people.

I do remember a time when I was being held on this temporary foster mom's lap as she rocked me back and forth in a rocking chair...she was warm, held me close and I felt safe and content. I remember her laying me into a bed that had fresh clean smooth bedding on it...something I had never enjoyed before....a fluffy pillow...the smell of clean. Being tucked in that night and knowing I was in a safe place was my first experience with how love feels. But it was only temporary. I was in someone else's home and life. I was just a little kid, probably three yrs old.

I still seek that feeling.

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