The other side of the coin
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2017-08-14 16:58:46 (UTC)

Sunny weather

Hi there!

I am so happy that today is Monday and that the cleaner came. I thought that I would have to clean it all by myself. She told me she will continue cleaning my house until she refers me to another cleaner. So, it is a positive thing in my life at the moment.

This morning I kept thinking about my mother and the way she is. I guess if my life was more interesting I would not feel so miserable all the time. Tomorrow I am going to take my daughter to the podiatrist downtown. I hope it won't rain tomorrow afternoon as I will be driving. I have been anxious about a lot of things but I am sure that will go away once I get out of the house again. I will have some coffee and cake at the bakery with my daughter. So, I truly expect a nice weather to go out just two of us. It will be nice.

At the moment I am so sad... I keep torturing myself with lots of negative thoughts... But if... That is in my head right now. I wish I had a more fulfilling life. I don't know if I will ever feel complete again or if I ever felt... As you can see I am in one of those difficult days. But I will be better once I forget and let go those horrible thoughts about my mother. I don't like the power she has over me. By the way, I haven't been in my parents house since yesterday morning. I think I need to give a break from my relationship I have with my mother. We need to breath. She also made it clear to me.

One of the things I have noticed is that I feel afraid of change and afraid of things in general and I really have my reasons. But I really need to trust that there is something good reserved for us. I mean my own family.

Last night, I could not sleep and I felt that I needed to sleep deeply. But I was so anxious that it took me time to relax. Now I am tired again.

It is such a beautiful day. No sign of rain... the sun is up in the sky and has made my life so much better. I have washed almost all the clothes that were in the basket. But tomorrow I am going to wash a bit more. It is a never ending job.

My husband says I should remain positive that we will be together again. I hope so.

Well, I wish good energy to all of us!