Katie-Brave

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2017-08-06 19:34:45 (UTC)

First dream in over a week

Mood: Contented
Song: none
Color: Blue

I dreamed last night for the fist time since last saturday...so 8 days and that's weird for me.
The dream i had was this:
I dreamed that i was sitting in a church pew and people were singing a hymn and suddenly from like right behind me a new voice lound and strong and clear started singing.
It was Genes voice, the deep voice i remember...i recognized his voice and in the dream remember thinking "that's Gene!" but then in the dream also being aware that Gene is dead and that there was no way that it could be him, so i refused to turn around and look at the person singing.
Singing kept on a couple more songs and the voice never stopped and i was getting more and more comfortable and more and more sure that it was him and that somehow he was actually there cause who else sounds exactly like that???
So i worked up enough nerve to finally turn around and see who was singing behind me.
I remember taking a deep breath and my eyes being closed and i turned around but no one was behind me.
The voice was gone, the singing had stopped and it felt like instead of being in a church service with lots of people i was suddenly alone and in the dream i started crying which turned into sobs and as i started sobbing in the dream i woke up and i was crying in real life.

You know that scene in The animated Anastasia movie where she goes into the old palace and she sings once upon a December?
where she's suddenly Day dreaming a ball and her family is there and he Dad dances with her and is alive and then as the last note of the song fades out she's suddenly back in the old abandoned palace alone.
This dream where it goes from people around and singing and there's light in the room to where when i turn around and look for Gene the music stops, the singing stops i'm alone in the room and the lights are dimmer.
It reminded me a bit of that moment in Anastasia.

I know that The Grief of losing Josie is probably the reason for a dream about Gene.... Grief in one area tends to bring up all the other grief that you've felt.
Its like i've said before.... When someone you love dies you don't Ever stop Grieving for them...time passes and things get easier but you don't ever stop grieving. You have good days and bad days.
But when someone dies, i think the grief you have for that person mingles with the grief you've experienced before with other people and it reminds you of them and what you've lost.
Grief doesn't stay in individual sections it tangles and overlaps and it comes in waves, sometimes the tide is out and you can walk just fine and sometimes the tide comes in and sweeps you off your feet and you feel like your going to drown in it.
That's life. That's Death. That's Love and that's Loss.

I Miss you all...I love you all.

Peace

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