My Letter To The World
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2017-07-27 19:45:33 (UTC)

Death Comes in 3's

Mood: Overwhelmed
Song: none, The sound of fingers tapping key boards and phones.
Color: Red

Death comes in 3's the true lie.

My Grandma (not really but basically)
Is passing away in Santa Fe Texas right now after having a stroke...
Does this sound familiar?
That's cause it is.
Gene another person that i loved passed away just a bit ago from ultimately many tings but a stoke was one of them.
Now Josie is passing away.
They said "she's shutting down as we speak"
Could be a little bit, could be more.
But either way In less than 7 days i will be headed to Texas on that long freaking drive for a Funeral.
I'm so...sad but also in some of a shock.
same words i typed last time i was in this position.
That will make two deaths right along the same time and as a person that has dealt with a lot of deaths and worked at a lot of funerals, been to many funerals, i do kind of see deaths come in 3's.
It's not always that way... it's not a science it's not set in stone but i'm kind of over here feeling like i don't want to lose anyone else.
you know????
of course you do...no body want's to lose people they love.

Can we just talk about how you regret the things you didn't do or say?
I mean now that i know that she's passing away, all these things that i could have done, or said are popping into my head, i could have called more, i could have written, i could have....
I don't know.
And i'm realizing that no matter how close you are to a person, no matter how much closure you have, not matter how much time you got to spend with a person, you will away's have things that you will think of.
Things that you wanted to say.
Things you wanted to ask.
And then you get the phone call, and the time is now, and the time ran out, and you never have enough.

i cannot stress how much i feel like i want to jump into life right now, Want to work, want to save money, want to travel, want to see my friends, want to experience life and love and Joy.
I want to not break down crying right now because i'm in a public place.

But to Josie who i won't get to speak to again on this side of heaven... I just got that phone call...answered it and got the news she's gone.

what i want to say to you

Is that i love you and you are my grandma and that you are family and you always have been.
Because you loved us that way.
And i'm going to miss you.
And you stuck up for me, and for us and i can't believe you actually gone.
i can't...