BrainsWithoutBeauty

Journal
2017-07-23 02:56:20 (UTC)

So now I'm sitting here outside the ..

So now I'm sitting here outside the laundromat and there is lightning, but no thunder yet. I am about 3-4 hours from home. I just got sick of Ryan lying to me and laughing about it and told him to go get me a cigarette because he lies to my face and then laughs in my face. I don't care if he comes back or not. I have survived these mean streets alone. I have survived being tortured with sonic wave weapons. I have survived attempts on my life publicly when no one helped for years. I will be fine. Or I won't. My friends on Facebook won't even take me in for one night and I have asked for YEARS off and on for help. I have no bus pass. I have no phone. I have no pepper spray. I'm going to have to try to find shelter from the storm and not in my dangerous house. Oh and no one understands? As if. I was just in S. Grand Schnucks and a police officer was staring at me and said, "Her son" into his shoulder walkie talkie thing. Do the police want to help me? Does the FBI? I do NOT, I repeat, do NOT have to go to them when they already think whatever they want and people are getting paid $500 to lie to them or anyone in the government, including the FBI or anyone. No one asks me anything. None of those random strangers (employed at the library, restaurants, stores and anywhere and everywhere) ask me what is going on. Police officers don't. FBI doesn't. I can't go to the FBI or the police or I will get murdered and/or someone else will. What am I going to do? They will never stop lying about my son, me, my parents etc plus torturing and interrogating me to talk. I am even supposed to talk while walking down the sidewalk so they don't kill me or someone else!!! So people anywhere I go are either nice and quiet or they harass me, lie about me and mine or shout ignorant remarks at me, racist or not. THANKS SAINT LOUIS! I really feel that my life is worth nothing to most people in town, and that is a horrible feeling to have. I don't care that this isn't fair when some people are nice to me. I am sick of it and NO I am not suicidal. It's more convenient for them if I commit suicide and they try to get me to do it and have throughout the years. They're going to have to murder me, either on the street or in my home and it WILL HAPPEN. Of course, someone will get $2000 and it was said to MY FACE. Then they're going to donate my body to medical science so no one can exhume my body in case anyone ever in the future after I'm murdered suspects murder or foul play. GAH! I have been up since 1am trying to be safe and outside my house. It's 10:06pm! I know I don't have it that bad and I do care if Ryan comes back but I bet he won't. Why should he? He thinks it's funny to lie to me privately or in front of people and has done BOTH. SHIT>




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