My Letter To The World
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2017-07-16 05:25:10 (UTC)

Random things flowing through my mind

Mood: Tired but in a good way
Song: The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
Color: Red

These are some of my Random thoughts and things that are going through my head now and have been through out the day today except i have had no time to write.

What i remind myself a lot recently in my life is this advice:
"Stay focused on doing the next right thing"
In life sometimes you don't have it all figured out, hell in life most of the time you don't have it all figure out... but even when you don't know what's next and what's going on you can just stay focused on doing your best and doing what's right, i'm staying focused on doing the next right thing in my life.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good , for in due season we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up"
Galatians 6:9

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy .
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonor others.
Love is not self seeking.
Love is not easily Angered.
Love Keeps no record of wrongs.
Love Does not delight in evil.
Love rejoices in the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trust's.
Love always hope's.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.

By these standards.... do we love anyone?
I'm trying to love people this way, the people that i'm the closest to all the way down to the people that aren't so lovable...
This isn't an easy thing... it takes work and practice and starting over fresh everyday.
I want to love like this...i don't want to do the things that love is not and i want to do and be all the things that love IS.
wouldn't you rather love fully and truly rather than not?

A strong and very raw emotion...
Going to pray for someone because that's what you do, it's normal only to remember that they passed away and don't need your prayers anymore cause they are gone and better off than you are.
But then you are filled with such an emptiness.... it's almost indescribable.
It's akin to loss but it's not the same as the feeling of loss in death that you normally feel when someone you love passes away.
There is hope in it, there is loss, there is sadness, but there is this feeling that i don't particularly have a word for.... is it confusion? a dizzy mixed-up-ness i don't know...
It leaves a hole in my heart and my life because that person is no longer here... it's not a worse pain of grief than when other people have died, just a different grief.
It's like i said for my Grandpa, For winnie and for Gene.... i can't imagine the world with out them.
Yet here i am living in a world where those people no longer exist... and it's weird. it does't seem right something will always be missing now.
But on the other hand i know that they will never truly be gone until all the memories of them have completely fade from the minds of those that loved them, they will never truly be gone until all the words and lessons they taught and all the ripples that their lives caused fade away and i know that that will be a long time...because just those 3 people i mentioned touched SO many lives including mine.

It's just another morning glory,
one more twisted side of this wild ride
another chapter in the story
but i can't hide the way i feel inside
Cause i'm stranger in strange land
and i'm a million miles from my home
if I've gotta take my life stand i won't stand alone.

I'm feeling so tired all the sudden...ugh it's only 20 minutes after midnight....but it has been a long day... and i have to get up early tomorrow.
yay....haha no it should be a good day. i'm just not a morning person. -_^

the Lyric that's stuck in my head right now:
"Just do your best do everything you can and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say
It just takes some time little girl your in the middle of the ride everything, everything will be just fine"

With that...i leave this entry.
randomness and all.
My thoughts and prayers are with you whom ever may read this.