Therapist

[email protected]
2017-07-11 05:57:06 (UTC)

I'm the toxic person

Its funny how I realize. It. I agrue. I get offensive. Agressive. When a guy tells me other wise. I blame my actions. Ive been like that. But that doesnt define me... Does it? I've been .. Scared of getting hurt. All my life. Scared so much. That I don't like it when someone I truly like hurta me like the other non people I like treat me. Like I have no common sense. Or I'm a child. Maybe I am. Am I? I am toxic. I'm just. A danger zone. No ome will like me. They'll only like the image of me. I don't even like me. Maybe I attract so many asshole who see I'm an easy target. That bwlieves in true love. Fairy tales. I never had that. Because of my toxic mind. I'm scared. And I need help. I want to change. I went for a walk. Its all my fault. Its all my fault. Trying to be someone I'm not. I'm not smart. I'm not funny. I'm toxic. And I don't think people want that. I was toxic for Adrian. Andres. Antonio. They all saw me as an easy target. Alright. My mind has lost it. I cant make friends. Its like I'm falling in a deep hole. I feel awful. My mind has been taking over. Alll my life. I'm afraid once I escape it. I'll feel this deep regret of everything. And feel nothing. And just feel worthless. I need help. Mentally. I need help. Child truama. I don't think ill ever come to that point. That secure place within myself. I was toxic for everyone. I don't deserve to be loved. My mind shouldn't deserve it. I cant change it. It doesnt define me... Does it?
I attract the wrong guys. I attract the guys that think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. I make myself like this. Thinking I'm any different from the other girls. I want to be different. People want to be differnt. Who doesn't. They think unique. I over think everyones opinion of me. I feel childish. Maybe I am. Adrian. Is probably okay. I'm still thinking of him. Of what could have been. But that's never going to help. High school is over. I dont need drama. I don't need any of that. I dont need that. I'm already lonely. I always think back to a car ride my sister and I had. I was crying. Feeling the most unwated person when she asked "why are you so insecure? Like you don't deserve any thing?" Maybe I'm a toxic person. I cant express my feelings. I can't.




Ad: