Screened In Porch

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2017-07-01 13:05:18 (UTC)

Welcome July !!!

7th month already. My goodness. This year is passing fast. I hope that by the end of it, my knees are replaced, the stomach pain has been resolved and I am ready to start 2018 as a new hopeful and successful woman. Too soon to tell, but you got to have hope. To those who follow me, you know I am messed up person. I know that too. Hard to be me sometimes and hard to trust people. If I knew what I know now 30 yrs ago, 40 yrs ago or even past then; things would have been different.

I would have NEVER "SETTELED" over and over again.

I stopped wondering about the "what if" a long time ago. It is now time to accept that "what is". And being the one with all the secrets,
mistakes and past is sometimes unbearable. That I can say 100% is true. I made a lot of mistakes. I drank way too much. I trusted the wrong people. I was hanging around people who would turn on me and run their mouths only to make themselves look a little better. So, all the hard work to be where I am right now although was worth it, is doing me not too much good at the moment.

I have been so worried and hurt and concerned and troubled lately, I will have to admit...blowing my brains out has ran through my mind a few times. I am sure though I can still make it. I am not sure I can do so in this place or this area or this situation. We have the power to make changes. I am ready for change. As I get closer to solving some of the current issues here and with my health, I do see light at the end of the tunnel.

He is saying things to me that are leading me to believe he is seeing the issues within himself that has driven us apart. He does try to explain himself more. And I see that he is actually trying. It feels good to have him on my side. And although so many hate me and think or believe horrible things about me, he is still here with me. If things keep going this way, I believe I will be able to convince him to move toward the area I want to be in. We do not have to live in Tryon. I just need to be near there. It is far enough from here to leave the bad behind, but close enough from here to revisit the good left behind when we need too.

I look at it as big FUCK YOU to the haters. To the people who believe lies, spread lies, hate filled idiots, who do not take the time to ask you about shit...they hear, instead just spread it as truth. I am done with this place.

Sure, I made my share of mistakes. But I am not a horrible person. We both have many times helped people out, especially those with children during the holidays. Many times. Made my day too. I enjoyed those holidays more than any I had ever had myself....just knowing that those families woke up to treasures and new memories to share forever. It feels good to be a part of that even though they had no idea it was me that made it happen. No idea that my husband bought that new TV for their mom....or that new dining table for their family to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner together sitting at. Yeah, we are good people. Both of us.

I owe no one an apology. I will not allow the haters to kill me. I will not lose the battle against the lies.

People, if you have learned nothing but one thing from following me, please learn not too sit and listen to people run someone into the ground with words. Always remember to ask "so how well do you know them"? "how many times have you talked to this person about all this stuff"?
You may stop it in its' tracks or teach a "mouth runner" a lesson.

You get to know someone by TALKING TO THEM.
Not about them.

Something to remember.

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