Screened In Porch

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2017-06-22 14:02:24 (UTC)

Done with the lies

So, after my last post and doing a lot of remembering and thinking about all that, I am almost positive that whatever happened during that difficult time is real and just as much my fault as anyone else's. Yes, others were involved. Yes, I was probably given a roofie or something strong as hell to cause me to forget that it even happened especially this long. But bits and pieces put together even without glue tells a lot about really happened. One, I was there. If I had not been there, it would have not happened. I trusted the wrong people. I really thought back then that I was in a "safe place" where I could unwind and feel safe. I felt like no one would ever disrespect me, hurt me, take advantage of me, I thought they liked me, were proud to be around me, and we were all friends. That was not the case at all. None of it. I certainly was not safe. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And something horrible happened. Something that I guess I am lucky was not filmed or photos taken. But mouths will run. Stories were told and I am now beginning why I have had the feeling that people hated my guts....did not want to talk to me...unless of course it was the "users" who needed something. Yeah, there is them. They had to know about this too. They all do.

I can not tell anyone or talk about it either. If I do, my life will be over. If he learns about this, he will kill people involved. I may have to help him. The last thing I want to happen is for this to be revealed with a spotlight on it....and names....witnesses...trying to keep themselves from looking like the culprit rather than an on looker or just there. No one helped me. No one stopped it. I do remember a couple times waking up in that room and unable to get out. The doorknob was missing. No way to get out. I had to wait till someone walked into that part of the house...or returned from breakfast or wherever they were. No one mentioned it. NO one said do you remember anything that happened last night? No one. Life just continued on as usual.

But mouths will run. In a small town. Mouths will run. So, I now have to come to the realization that if this is true, people know about it. This is the type of thing you hear on the news where people are in jail awaiting trial or one of those horrible stories about someone's drunk out of hand sister or mother or that lady down the street.....who allowed this horrible thing to happen. So, which is it? I was there.....
I should have stopped hanging out there so much. I did not have anywhere to go to get away from my life back then. I was running from this place here. And here I am in this place running from that place there.

Oh dear.....

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