Therapist

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2017-06-15 04:23:43 (UTC)

I deserve better

It hurt. To delet youm. I am tired of these games. I'm tired of not knowing what I want. I do realize I'm complicated. I like flowers I like spontaneous dates. I don't like how you take me like one of your hoes. Show me off make me feel beautiful. The only girl in the world. But I expect so much. Its okay. We're both think we're right. But too scared to look back at our so call love. You said you'd date me. But I ran away. But. If only I could tell you theres no such thing as a rational girl. Files want someone to understand and comfort them. If they asked for your help. They would ask. Not you to tell them to think . which may be think you're helping but in reality you arent listening. I feel strange when someone complements mebbecause for one. Ive been called fat. Unfit. Slow. But when some one really complements me. I stay still waiting for a hurtful joke. I hate that . well it is what it is now Adrian. I'm broken. But o want to put my pieces together. It was selfish of me. But never had a guy by me flowers. Tell me they like me. Show me off to the world like the other guys did. But. I guess I am to much. Makes a guy feel intimidated by me. Am I ugly? Am I that rude? I don't like it. I don't like how I am. And if I xant fix that while I'm single what makes me think I can do it in my togetherness. I am learning. To try to empty out my cup. Maybe because you need a shoulder to cry on. Due to a hard days work. But in reality. You could barely try to give it in return. Maybe too scared to end up alone. Ita okay. I hope I'm the future we can go back and forget anything happen. Us. There was never. We never dated. You never try to see me. But I never tried to make plans to see you. Now I think back and see if a guy says "I like you" .... You simply wrote it down. As "I want to Fuck you" that's all I hear. Making me think guys are only after one thing. But. I dont know. My heart hurts. But it was my choice my action to leave. Blame me all you want. Because I see you looking Ok. But deep down I know you're hurting. When I'm around you. You made me feel special but when your dad came by. Your friends you turned into someone else. I don't like that. But I did that. Were just a bunch of kids. I want to grow up and fix myself. Try to feel better about myself. First. Funny how. I wanted you to put me first even if I pushed you away. I'm sorry for my selfish wants. But. I wanted that. I didn't want your money I didnt want your lust. I wanted your attention your love. But I didnt know how. I tried to m
Help you. But you weren't helping me. Today in humanities I learned about objective and altruism. Alturism is doing something to make yourself feel good. I was doing it. Why. To make my self look good for you to be nice for you. Alturism. I don't know. I guess theres no right or wrong answer. We both think one of us fucked up and were innocent but were both sinners. It hurts. I wish you the best. I wish you to be safe. Ill pray you forgive my selfish acts. But it is what it is. I hope the next girl you treat her right. Even its not me. I don't think I could be a wife. I don't think I can be a giid mother. You wanted that. But I want a career. Then think of that. I have my whole life ahead of me. I wish you luck handsome boy. You deaerve good too. But this was bound to happen. Sadly. I told you it was too fast. And take it slow. I freaked out not being completely honeat but knowing you. You wont listen. I hope you forgive me. And have no hate in your heart vecause I don't. I want thia pain to go away. I'm thinking of you every day... Every night of dead senerios that I try to guess myself out from messaging you again. I miss you Adrian. And I hope you miss me too. But I feel like you're okay. And tell the next girl how much of a pain in the ass I was. Joe ugly I am too your friends. I hope we meet again. In a different time and start fresh. But I'm sorry. And I wish I could be honest. I wish. But what made you think I would want you back??? Even when you were texting her. Liking her. I'm frozen form the lies. I needed a friend and I abused it. I wish you the best. I hope we meet with calm minds and free spirit. No one understands what we been through. You are the sweetest boy but the most sensitive ads one I ever met. I hope you didnt lie. And I hope we can meet again fresh minds. I hope I stop being mad at you. But my karma is coming. Ill soon be blocked too. I miss you Adrian. I miss you. I miss you. I hope you're safe. I hope you are safe. Why. I dont know you were actually a boy I love??? Or liked very much to myself a side. But some how I felt like you were my poison and I was your. Kripitinite . I need. A shoulder to cry on. I laugh when you say she fighted irrationally. Seriously. Girls want love and understanding not just blank stare. I laugh at the funny momment we had. We could have been perfect. You're crazy and I fell in love with that. I guess you were right. Its my fault for being broken. And you disnt mind helping me. Saying you werent that type of guy... No... No.. Why call me everyday. Why say these sweet things to me. Why dedicate a song to me. Why. Because the pain I cause to remain friends. We aren't good for each other. I pray we somehow work it out. I'm willing to cut people off. But. I guess its fine. Its set and done. And ... Now. I just have no choice but to look foward and move on. It hurts. But. What can I do. Fear of you leaving me on read god knows what you sent me. I don't know. I don't. Know. I don't. I pray you forgive me. I pray we have an agreement with no lustful thibgs. We are both so damn selfish. Lol I guess we both wanted attention without actually giving it back. Lol sad I know. But its done. Its set and done. But ill cherish those memories. And sadly the what ifs. Because. I cant stay in my life crying for you even though my selfish dumbass dumped you. But. We never were a thing. I missed your voice. Now I look back. Would you liked me. Even if I gained whieght. I dont know. But it is what it is. And thats my fault for knowing and not confessing soon enough. I was to much in the past. I wish you the best. I hope you play it safe. Well. Keep wild life. My sweet crazy boy. I think I woukd have told you "I love you" but that would never happen. Or will it. I don't know. But I should stop playing these sad senarios. Its set and done. And we BOTH fucjed up. But I did it first. I left. I left. But. Thats ok. Youd fine another tjats like me. Or worse lol I'm kidding. But I hope she keeps you from trouble. My sweet baby. I love you




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