✉My Letter To The World✉
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2017-05-24 05:33:46 (UTC)

Dropped off the face of the planet

Mood: Emotional? (when sad things in tv shows can make you cry....) -_-
Song: none
Color: Purple

I've basically as the title says dropped of the face of the earth...
It's been a hectic week and a half and a very hectic past couple of days and while i do want to keep up with writing more i don't really have much i can say... ha.
Let's see i've been doing research in a... Religion just out of morbid curiosity not because i'm questioning mine.
I've also the past two night been binge watching the vampire Diary's as i haven't been able to sleep.
In the day time...been dealing with the after math of my dad's surgery, been taking care of T and E.
Been getting ready for camp and dealing with business meeting crap.

I've been running around crazy busy without time to think about anything and then the times i do slow down and it's quite all i can think about are the things that i'm not doing that i should be, how i'm messing things up, or about how i'm going nowhere in life or about how i'm a failure or a disappointment to those around me, how i can never live up to what ever i'm supposed to.
Yeah i think i'm a bit on edge and depressed and I'm just having a hard time but no one really knows and that's okay because they have their own lives to worry about, i mean some people just lost people they loved in tornado's and others lost their homes, my dad is recovering from a surgery that did absolutely no good and we're back at stage one and that pisses me off so much! cause it's a waste and we were concerned and worried and still are and just.... UGH.
My moms constantly busy with things what with work, and home and camp and life and i haven't really had a decent conversation with her aside from on the way home from Em's baseball game tonight in the car....

I have friends both locally and internationally i'm neglecting.
I'm just sucking at life as of late and i'm complaining about things and i should just be happy that things are okay.
I'm trying to be an optimist and an extrovert and guess what????????? spoiler alert?!?!?!

I'm NOT!
I'm not an optimist, i try to be for other people and i help people to the best of my ability to tell them it's all going to be okay and to encourage them and be there for them and lift them up and there is no part of that i regret, or that i'd ever stop it's not that i don't like that or that i shouldn't do that, that is a part of who i am...
But it's not how i treat or feel about myself 90% of the time...i have so much hope and faith and belief in others and i know that they will be okay and that they will shine or soar or succeed in life and in what ever they want and that they will get over their struggles and pain and be happy.
but for me? well deep down i believe.
But some day's it's hard for me dig that far.