rainy

My heart in a knot
2017-05-20 11:00:21 (UTC)

Changes...

I feel like I'm finally starting to make major changes so that I can see major progress in my life. I'm going to write about it in more detail later but right now I'm just writing to help pass the time. It's Saturday and I had a job interview this morning which is the only reason why I'm out. I am a bit hungry so I won't be writing for long.. when I'm hungry my brain functions even worst than it does when I'm in brain fog.


My sisters birthday was uneventful.. I did get her a card and a little money, I think that it helped her feel less hostile about our situation. I'm really trying and working on fixing this relationship, however we are truly as different as night and day. But with everything I've learned about myself and how I was raised I have come to accept that my sister has problems and she needs help, I have problems too but I seem to be more focused on self-help than waiting for some miracle to come and save me. Like I said, I'm at a whole new point in my health and getting to a better place both mentally and physically. I am going to lay out an entire plan that I'm going to have to stay focused on getting to a better place. In the years prior I've written about this many times and never really made any changes but now I feel like I finally have the tools (and confidence) to implement the changes I want to see happen in my life. Trying to be a bit more understanding of my sisters is just one step I'm taking on getting there, but that's not the major step I'm taking...... I'm so excited about it, but like I said I'm going to lay out the entire plan and it's not something that is going to happen over night either, it's going to take years most likely but at least it's a step in the right direction... and I have a lot to thank for getting me here and the motivation I've developed to get to this point... I'm just hoping that I don't have any set backs along the way.


Anyway, as far as the job I just interviewed for it doesn't pay well and they don't have a lot of hours but I can't be too picky right now considering that I need to buy a few things that are going to help me implement my new plan for myself. The work is in a grocery store and it's some basic work but would allow me to focus on improving myself for better things in the future. The only thing that would be unpleasant about that job would be having to work under a rude manager; right now I'm trying so hard to minimize any stress that could possibly come my way, eliminating stress is going to be one of the key factors in me healing and getting better. Unfortunately stress is one of the key factors in why my health got to such a deteriorated state, even now I feel like I need a break just from stressing about how much stress has impacted me. I'm at the library so I think I'll rent a movie or something and go pick up something to eat at the grocery store.. I'm supposed to be eating healthy and it's not that I haven't been eating health-like food, I just haven't been eating as healthy as I could be eating and I think as a result my candida started to get worst again, but I'm going to work on that as well, also, I think I've identified one of the other reasons for my issues and that's grains, so for a while I'm going to eliminate grains from my diet which won't be easy but while I'm healing it will be imperative that I actually follow my diet plan if I want to get fully functional. It'll all make sense when I write about my plan.


Ok, I need to go, I don't know when I'll be back to write about my plan, hopefully soon.





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