Therapist

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2017-05-11 03:33:42 (UTC)

So. I told him

He didn't understand where I was coming from. Or I didn't. But I felt the more I stayed the more it bugged me about Christian. He's doing the same thing with Christian and I. I don't want him to feel like that. It bugs me. It hurts me seeing him like that. Thinking that way. I'm not upset with him.I'm not. I'm just upset that this whole thing is a cycle... A cycle. I'm so upset with myself. Its in my consciousness. Christian I hope you forgive me. But I never liked you. I was lonely. I didnt understand anything. I'm sorry. But I dont want you. I wish you the best... Adrian. I'm sorry for having mis emotions. I was scared what your think of me the swcond time you see me. Ugly? Fat? Hidious. I am still insecure. So bad. I feel so stupid. So stupid. I am so sorry adrian. You are honest. You don't lie. Well I just don't understand it. Because I don't want to hear it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I feel my heart slowly breaking. Please dont be mad at me... Please don't... Don't do that. I hope you understand that I know what you might be going through becuase I did the samw thing. I was in that cycle. But I broke it off. I felt like a horrible person becuase of it. But I knew feel down I knew it was wrong. I'm not upset with you. I'm not. I promise. The reason I say I'm upset with myself is because I did the sane thing you are doing to Hailey but to somwone else. He didn't deserve that. He also came from a rough patch. And I thought I could help. nd he honestly became a danger to himself. I felt like a complete ass. I don't wabt you to ever feel like that. That's why I'm upset. Becuase its like karma for leading someone on. I'm sorry... I really am. I feel stupid because they asked for second chances. But I didn't give it to them. I left it. I had to do the asshole thing. Block. Delete them off everything. Shirty I know. They just misinterpreted things. If you think I was worse. No. They were. And I'm sorry I got up with you about the whole joking around "I'm only mean because I care" that was the exact same thing he told me. He didn't "mean" to but he ment the words. Wish made me feel even more shity. Idk. If you don't want to be friends. Nor text me. Or you just don't understand. Ill call. Explain. I guess I do misinterpret things. But I don't like it when you remind me all the time. I already know my flaws you don't have to point them out okay. So. If you don't want to be friends. I understand. But just letting you know I'm not upset with you... I'm just upset with my memories of just a bad relationship. And I don't like to see or hear you are at the same position. Its like your hurting yourself more than helping Hailey. And it breaks my heart to see that. I understand you think you can help her. But sometimes its better to walk away. Or seek them as a friend. I guess in other words. Its okay some days to be an asshole. If they were an asshole back. You have a good heart I hate to see it torn out by helping out. I hope this made sense.... Good night.




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