Screened In Porch

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2017-05-09 14:21:48 (UTC)

Heat rash or bed sores

Man, when I got into bed last night and dozed off for a short time; I woke up itching to high heaven and felt like my arm pits were on fire, the area between my legs from front to back, where my legs meet there...was on fire it seemed. I finally got up and took a shower. It did not help much, so I put on a paste of baking soda as I was unsure what to do. This made it worse, so back in the shower to wash that off and try again.
I got in bed naked with nothing but a sheet over me. Was this shingles? Bed sores? Heat rash? Was it the same shit on my scalp? What?

Man it was hard to go back to sleep. but I did.

So, this morning, I go up and went straight to bathroom to take another shower to be sure I was clean from sweat or anything that may be creating the problem. I put on a knit maxi dress and loose panties to have on something not tight. I never wear tight outfits anyway. But I felt a need for air flow.

I felt comfortable enough to wash all the towels and then take my sheets off the bed getting them ready to go into washing machine next. I inspected my mattress real closely while it was visible. I found one bug. Dead. But it was a bug. I got a magnifying glass to take a closer look. I bet the RED I saw on that little thing was my own blood. A bed bug? I got the spray for that and sprayed it well. If I see one, there could be millions on that damn thing. GOD I LIVE IN A NASTY DISGUSTING PLACE. I have known this for sometime. My damn clothes probably have the damn things on them. I hate to add up all the money spent on my clothes, but I will toss them all in the fucking trash if that is what needs to be done. I am sick of this. I am sick of feeling nasty too. Good lord!

This should be the last week he works. I am or have been saving my money too. He probably knows this. If not he will.
I have enough to rent a small place, buy a new bed, new living room shit...and a couple bar stools. I can also buy new clothes if I have too.
But all this will happen if this mess is not sorted out.

I can not live like this much longer.

And I know that the rash or break out is not necessary from that one bed bug. I know that it could have been on something and maybe I do not have an infestation. But I been trying to get a new mattress for a long time. But I see no reason to doing that until the old nasty carpet is gone....too. Why infest a new mattress and be in the same damn boat?

I try to solve problems. I am just a woman. I can not do every thing. I need someone on my side once and awhile.

If I have to leave this place to be healthy though? Yeah, I would.

I feel a little better this morning. I am creating a medication and how I feel journal so I can figure out if the headaches are
from stress or the medication or lack of. So, when I go to the doctor next week, I can have information to share that may be helpful

Right now, even after working on those post cards and finally getting them in the mail yesterday evening....I feel like shit.

Today, I have the mild headache. Last night my skin was on fire....three showers later....here I am almost feeling hopeless again.

Oh yeah, today is my granddaughters birthday. you know, the one I bought a jeep for? I texted her happy birthday.
She actually texted back "thank you!"

Not sure if that text made me feel good or bad. I think I am too numb emotionally these days to feel much at all.
And the stress of all this.....is killing me slowly.

Maybe tomorrow will be better

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