Imperfect Angel H

thoughts of a loner
2017-04-30 01:20:03 (UTC)

Drinking to disappear

Everyone needs a drink now and then right? Me, i shouldn't drink ever. I find myself drinking to disappear. I am strange in so many ways. Sometimes i just like the feeling of drinking. I can never just have one drink and it makes me sick to be that kind of person. I can manage every situation in my life better or worse. Yet, i have perfected making a fool out of myself at times.
Last night i went to an event for a dear friend of mine and i had a few shots and a few glasses of wine. I have not had a drink in a few weeks but if you were there you would be like "this chick should drink never."
I was ok and socializing with human life that i would never just sit down and speak with. Time passed by and i ended up falling on a little slop no big deal in my world. But what made me think was when my hand just decided to pour my drink on me for no reason. To make matters worse I was in the middle of talking with some one who i come to like though a friend of mine.This person shaked their head and walked away from me as if i were like a filthy homeless person begging for a dime. To top it off the look on their face made me finally see why I cant stand some humans. Smh i went to the restroom and called my bff and said something was wrong. She advised me to go to Walgreen and get something called bcc powder. I was okay with that until my arm went numb, skin pale, and shortness of breath. I now found myself in a situation of alcohol poisoning. Wtf did i do? To top it all off i am now restricted from leaving a hospital room.
Two people have come to talk to me and i have disappointed many that i know. All because i can't take life serious enough to mingle with others.
Was i scared? No and that alone is scary.
Throughout the years i have discovered new things about myself and more importantly i have discovered things i do for the fuck of it.
Maybe i am not the only person in the world who does stupid shit like this but i just might be the only person who can admit to my very own stupidity. I love being me and i love who i am without drinking and getting wasted or drunk. Yet, how do i learn to deal with a large amount of humans sober and being me? Like i mentioned before i am very socially awkward, strange, and weird. My conversations are always about investments, school, projects, political, scientific, or some random crap i read that week. I do not want to fit in to what many call "normal society" but i am told i must.
Have you ever sat or been around these so-called "normal people" all they do is gossip about other people, talk about their self to much, discuss things that are occurring on these bullshit ass reality shows, and take selfies of shit they are eating. Nothing in some of these social gatherings are ever educational or intellectual. A whole lot of brains stuffed in a shoe box as i like to call it.
Fake smiles
Fake laughs
Fake convo
Minus out the crap with a gin and tonic or Moscato pink. It makes little minds feel bigger when one is under the influence.
Then i see the issue is me. Something in me feels a little bit more at ease with the bullshit.
Well as of now my best friends have made me swear to never drink again because they don't want me to harm myself with this issue again. I agreed. Even if i am not scared of death it is a bit selfish of me to not care about their feelings.

I just wish i knew a better way to deal with these unbearable humans.
In this hospital i remain until morning and then off to figure out how to deal with my species.




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