Screened In Porch

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2017-04-26 15:43:14 (UTC)

Another holding up head

At least I am attempting to hold my head up. I have not heard anything from her. Which proves that she has not even noticed that she can not see anything I may or may not post on Facebook. I deactivated last night. But logged back in this morning to check my messages. I do get messages on there from people all over the country and even in other countries....so, I really have no reason to snub any of those good people. I even got a message from a older man who travels all over the place with his wife a couple weeks ago asking me if I was okay? He said that one of my post seem off and he was just checking on me. So, there are people who see me and care.

I am not on there too much anyway, just in the mornings....after I check our local paper. We get a lot of news about people we know on there so, I suppose deactivating is not that necessary.

It will get easier each day as I get accustom to not having her in my life. I have to talk to her if she has a listing. However, all that can be done through emails and text. As far as picking up the phone anymore if she were to call? Hell no, she can leave a damn message. I will determine then if it is worthy enough to return a call.

You just do not know how close I was the other night to blowing my brains out. I did not have that gun in my hand. But I did have it in my hand a couple weeks ago when I thought I heard someone messing around here....outside. The thought went through my mind then, but not until a few nights ago when I simply could not stop crying. I think it was Friday...day before my granddaughter went to the prom. I saw no photos...got no call to come take my own photos...or anything....but I just bet her other grandmother was there all up in it. My heart was so broken. And still is. It will take a while to just get on with things and trying hard not too be around people who may ask about her. That is the same issue my husband has....with his family. He does not want to be asked about his daughters....it brings it all back. The pain is unbearable.

I am getting to see all about pain and heart break. Staying off of social media can be done without deactivating. I will just check in on mornings that I have time to do so. But my life does not revolve around it. I am not a person that stares at their phone 24/7 looking at social media and never looking up. I have never used my phone for that. Matter a fact, I do not hold it or carry it with me at all times....if it rings and I miss a call, I can call back or return messages. I like to see the real world....and enjoy that.

Being like me makes us a more safe driver too. I hate seeing someone driving a car staring at their phone. Really stupid.

Have a safe day.

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