Wr1tt3n0ne

Bunches and bunches
2017-04-13 12:31:36 (UTC)

Disappointments

Not at all as dire as it is titled, I swear.


A while back I mentioned to first love that I was disappointed in my life. Now I feel the need to clarify what precisely I meant. I meant that my career choices had not panned out in the way I expected them to. I was supposed to be a lawyer by now, however life had other plans for me. I wound up finishing college and leaving the country for the next few years and travelling around Asia. No regrets about putting off law school but when I was living abroad, the bottom feel out of the U.S. economy and the legal business had a nasty contraction. Suddenly, law school looked sort of risky, loads of debt and questionable return. So I passed on it and instead went after a legal assistant work. It was not all that I hoped for and I wound up rethinking my choices.

I decided there was time for having a single baby. There was and quickly I found myself back in the U.S. with my infant daughter and my husband. I then went after political work. I got pretty close to landing government work, but in the end I moved from the capital and many of those opportunities at a federal level dried up. Ultimately I worked at a county level instead with my little girl entering school. Political work turned into law enforcement and led back around to legal work with the courts. That's when I realized that the hours were untenable to raising my child, myself. Easiest choice ever, I can home and through a twist of fate found an elected position. Now I proudly assist at a local level, making smiles on one face at a time the way I always wanted to. I have time to raise my child and time to explore my creativity through writing and maybe some art.

A great deal of my disappointment lay with first love actually. I was so downcast at the thought our time had past after such a deep connection. Before my eyes I see possibility, love, lust, that connection and maybe now some time and commitment to explore it. I got another chance at my one regret. Another chance at my first love as an adult capable of the love and commitment necessary to fully explore our possibilities. Maybe it winds up being a beautiful trainwreck, I am sure working on that! But maybe, just maybe there is enough there to satisfy us both. I ardently hope so.

So I guess I should say I was disappointed with my life, then time opened up a door and if I have the will to walk through it there is possibility.




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