Wr1tt3n0ne

Bunches and bunches
2017-03-25 03:58:01 (UTC)

Yes Man

Over the course of becoming reacquainted with my first love, he said something to me that I failed to grasp wholly at the time. In a nutshell, it was that if I wanted it and he could give it, he would. Obviously not bank accounts or swearing loyalty to foreign dictators, but still I very much shrugged it off as kind and also unlikely.

And then bit by bit, it was demonstrated to me. Sometimes in ways I didn't think I was asking for and occasionally very, very directly until there was no more room to even think it unlikely. It was utterly true. And I realized all the conditions I had on both accepting such a massive gift and returning it in kind.

Moving through life, I often feel at one and blended into people and things, situations and when I am noticed or come to see myself as distinct, it is jarring. There are rules and societal norms I have internalized so that I combine well. My empathy runs deep and it allows others to trust me, become more open to me, and feel that oneness. I don't have much space in me for others who are not likewise coalescing.

So people that call attention to the singularity of being are difficult for me to understand; it seems like they are choosing to be alone. Such a wide swath of my life can be encapsulated with the term alone. Not necessary lonely (although it was at times very isolated), I have spent a large share of my life consciously trying to fuse with what is around me. He is one of these who find being to be singular. And yet, it is also he who gives so very freely of himself, if bittersweetly, by extending such a gift to me to attempt to bridge this chasm betwixt us.

Finding him earnest, I was without defense and yearning to return in kind his gift. All these interpersonal rules and norms were surmounted by this generous act of kindness. I must try to give to him this simple, yet powerful gift as well.




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