Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-03-21 22:46:51 (UTC)

Acknowledge And Release

I really wish Poulsbohemian stayed open later than 5pm. It’s 4:39pm and I’m not feeling ready to leave yet, but I’ll have to soon. I guess this would be the downside of becoming so accustomed to writing in settings outside my bedroom. I really do need to readjust myself to it. I don’t write nearly as much now, because I don’t go to coffeehouses or the library every day. I think I need to get back to writing every day.


I just finished Chapter 8 in Practicing Happiness; Mindful Observation. The irony of it was that I wasn’t very mindful while working through it. I started the chapter last night at the library, and I wasn’t being very mindful then either. It was a tough chapter for me to get through. Not because I don’t want to be mindful, but because my mind is always going. It’s tough getting it to stop long enough to ponder my rate of breathing. It’s hard not thinking about the future. Or the past. Or my fears. Or what I’m going to eat for dinner. I think being quietly mindful is one of the toughest things for me to do. It definitely is something I’d like to work towards, but am I ready to do the work necessary to reach that goal? I don’t know. Some days I’d flat out say no. Ruminating and obsessing have been a part of my life for so long.

I’m still batting around the idea of being a life coach, but I’m encountering a lot of negative self-talk. I’m constantly feeling/thinking that I’m not stable enough to coach others. I don’t have my life together. I’m nowhere near where I want to be. It’s kind of like when I was a health coach at the YMCA years ago, I didn’t feel like I was a good trainer because I personally wasn’t in the best shape. Knowing what to do is so much easier than actually implementing it, and if I’m not able or willing to do the work, how can I convince others? Would anyone take me seriously as a life coach? Would I be any good at it? These are all instances of negative self-talk, and I know it, and yet they persist. I’ve even read in Practicing Happiness that this will always happen. Even when I’m at my strongest, negative thoughts will still filter in. I have to learn to view them as passengers on my bus… or guests in my bed and breakfast. Acknowledge and release. It’s so much easier said than done.

On the work front, things have been pretty good. I just found out yesterday that Sara is pregnant. It’s all she can talk about. Because of what I went through a few years ago with the painful miscarriage and resulting health issues, I’m not the most congratulatory person. I know that’s something I need to work on. I still can’t let go. And it prevents me from being truly happy for others. It doesn’t help that I don’t like Sara all that much. Okay, saying I don’t like her is harsh… her personality rubs me wrong. Our personalities aren’t compatible. I wish her the best, though. I just need to keep my distance until the pregnancy isn’t the only thing she ever wants to talk about.




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