Angharad

Angharad's diary
2017-03-20 22:52:32 (UTC)

Day 1

20.03.2017

I have never felt this lost today. And by lost I mean, confused. I don’t feel like I have found my path or my way into being an adult. I’m stuck between university life and adulthood. Everyone says that university is supposed to be the best days of your life and to me right now they were. But I don’t want that. I don’t want the best days of my life to be behind me. I mean, if they are really the best days of your life then why the hell do you carry on? Like I get people say well that’s just how we do it and that’s how it is so deal with it.
How do you dea; with it when you’re 22 you feel like all your friendships you had have changed, and not for the better? Like how do you get to grips with the fact that the people you lived with for 3 years, day in day out are now people that can be nonexistent? I live with someone I went to University, He was my best friend, I mean genuinely, no feelings there other than just a pure friendship. After 5 years it has changed. He’s different, or I am different I don’t know. Things move on and people move on, to me it’s at super speed because I don’t feel like I can’t keep up.
Whenever I talk to people they seem to have their lives in order, they have a plan of what they want to do. I know that plans don’t always work or happen like you want them to so I shouldn’t worry but I don’t even know where I want to go next week let alone where I want to be in 2 years. I mean to do I want a relationship? Do I want to stay on the career path I’m on now? I don’t know.

Being an adult is easy, it’s a simple day to day living, paying bills and going to work 9-5 but it is the planning and the knowing of what you want to do makes it feel like you’re not going to drown and look back at university and say they were the best times. I have tried to change this and I’ve applied for 3 jobs already tonight. Has it made me feel better? A little bit. Does typing on this make me feel better/ not really but I feel as if someone is reading this or that someone is actually listening and not making me feel like a failure when I frankly don’t know how to grow up.
I mean how do you find your passion for your career, like people go travelling to find themselves, how do they have the guts to do that? I thought I knew who I am but the more and more I think about myself all I know is that I’m a typical girl with stereotypical girl feelings. But that doesn’t define me so what does?
This is my journey into finding out who I am, what I want in life and hopefully when people ask me in 6 months time what I’m doing with my life and what is my plan I can answer them confidently that im on the path I want to be or I’m doing something that I want to and enjoying.
If this doesn’t work out then at least there always a masters!

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