Kitten's Journal
2017-03-20 22:34:34 (UTC)

Play Mate

Since my Dominant is so time-consumed and to hep detatch myself from the constant need to say 'I love you' and act like a fool when I am nought but holes, I have acquired a pay mate. I see this as two things. One, some bloody good fun. And two, a lesson learned from my previous experience. Nothing is forever no matter what is said. And I love, more than I am loved. Therefore, I need to learn how to fuck and how to flirt without love. My play mate is ideal for this.
He speaks to me almost exactly how my Dominant used to. Which is nice, and gives me a bit of familiarity and practise with not falling for it. He has all the same kinks as me and recently found out about my hair pulling kink. Good fun. It is non-sexual, but there is flirting. That is all there will be. I am loyal to my Dominant. He writes me porn bed-time stories and fusses my hair and gives me hugs. So it helps my PCD too. It's a win-win. My Dominant does not deal with a clingy, paranoid, depressed, needy Submissive and I am not a paranoid, clingy, needy Submissive.

I cannot, of course, stop my mind. But I can stop my actions. I can be what my Dominant wants.
My play mate is cute, too, which does not hurt.
I watched porn tonight. Watched a girl take thick, yummy dicks in her pussy and ass. Ugh, I want it so much.