Screened In Porch

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2017-03-13 16:21:40 (UTC)

I hate being ritacued...

I swear man. I am 64 yrs old. I am tired, I have RA and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a very long time ago. Even after all that, I never laid down and stopped living. I worked my ass off to be who I am today. It was not easy to go to those realtor class and study to take the state exam. Hell, I felt like I could have passed the bar exam. It was that hard. But with all that going on, I still kept the house in order. I hate getting up in the morning to a messy kitchen. I never leave dirty dishes laying in the sink. I always put things away when I use them. First thing I do when I wake up is clean the counter top. Neither of them will do that. So, when he changes his schedule and I have to cook earlier in the day than usual, I do that sometimes without being able to take the time it takes for me to iron out the kinks from attempting to sleep the night before if at all.

So, this morning, he knew I had planned to cook salmon patties, cold slaw and squash casserole. We discussed it yesterday. I also washed his clothes this morning so that was going on. I started cooking the salmon patties before I had drank my first cup of coffee. I was still in the process. So, by the time I had some cooked and was working on cooking the squash....he walks into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. The next thing I know he is cleaning the sink...pulling out the strainer do hicky I put in there to catch stuff so it does not go into the drain. I asked him what are you doing? "IT smells like fish in here, I am cleaning this nasty sink" - oh shit. I day dreamed of stabbing him in the back right then. Instead, I told him I was still in the process of cooking...and he needed to get out of the kitchen while I am doing so. If not, I could just leave to him to finish, I could just go shower, pack the car and drive to the beach or mountains for a few days. He shut the hell up and went to the den with his damn cup of coffee. God I hate him sometimes.

But I am not going to say horrible things about him. I guess I need to remember that he is also old. He is working 10 hrs a day, was working 12 hrs a day and he has not had a day off in a while. I know he likes to cook. I know he thinks if you do not wipe your ass the same way he does, then he may feel you are not doing it correctly. For instance. I only grated about two cups of cabbage to make a small portion of slaw. There is only two of us and I probably won't eat this early. But if he was cooking now, same time for the two of us, he would have grated the entire head of cabbage and made a large...extra large bowl of cold slaw. But he is doing it right. I am not. See what I mean?

I feel like shit. Last night I talked to my son about John and showed him the article about him being a stonemason and how good he was. Then, the other article about his accident that he dies in a week after the article. Several great photos of him. My son said he remembered him from somewhere. I reminded him who he was and how when my son would go to his grandparents, John would visit the folks across the street sometimes. He probably saw them then. It felt good to talk to someone about it. I have a real good old friend too that knew him well. I have not told her yet. She just lost her granddaughter a month ago. So, this is not a good time to bring up something else to be sad about. She really liked John too.

He liked to cook too. Never cooked with him....he was a chef. So, I am not sure if he would have been hard to be in a kitchen with like my husband. My husband cooked in the army. He learned a lot from his mother. He is a good cook too. I will give him that. But....he is also an asshole when he is in the kitchen while someone else is cooking. He will hang over my shoulder asking "what is that green stuff you put in there"? It is rosemary honey. "Good lord, why in the hell would you ruin that by putting that nasty shit in it"?

See what I mean?

When he is not working. He cooks. I stay out of there out of his way. I do not ask questions or make him feel like shit.
Today. He made me feel like shit. I wake up feeling like shit everyday. That nailed the coffin shut. What an asshole.