Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-03-06 23:14:10 (UTC)

Mostly An Illusion

All day I've really felt like I've had my shit together! It's a fantastic feeling. Especially since so often I don't feel like I have anything under control. I know it's mostly an illusion that humans have any control over life, but the feeling of control is exhilarating and perpetuates a level of positivity I have a tough time maintaining any other way. I NEED to feel in control. I also need to feel like I'm being productive and making constructive progress in life. Lately, both of those boxes have been checked.


The rundown of my day:

* Work wasn't shit. In fact, it flew by crazy-fast.

* I got my financial situation back on track. After Snookums lost his job things got pretty scary and I feel behind on payments. My credit cards were maxed out solely to cover living expenses. I'm getting things back in check and that feels liberating. I can't count how many mornings I woke with that that on my mind. I don't want to end up where I was 7 years ago. That was a bad time. I won't let that happen again. I don't feel like elaborating.

* I went grocery shopping and filled the house with really good/healthy options for meals and snacks. I've been a little lax on that the past couple weeks. Eating out more. Snacking on junk more. Being vegan is an automatic pass when it comes to making healthy choices. It still takes commitment. I noticed my knee and hip act up when I eat junk. I think it's due to inflammation. Fruits and veggies are naturally anti-inflammatory, but if I'm eating cookies instead my body reacts... and negatively. My knee had been doing better, but it's really bad right now.

* Keenan had a great night at ballet, and Kiki and I got to go for a walk while he was in class for the first times since early fall. Class is at 5:30, so all winter it's dark by then. The days are getting longer and everything is starting to bud and wake up. Spring is so close, and I couldn't be happier!

* We came home, made a nice dinner (Brussels sprout and quinoa salad with dried cranberries and slivered almonds), finished homework, and all of us were retired by 9:15pm. I took a shower and am resting comfortably in bed. Icing my bum knee and getting ready to eat a little fruit before drifting off to sleep. It's been a great day. I couldn't ask for more.

Today during a text conversation with Snookums he thanked me for all I've done around the house and praised me for all the progress I've made. I've accomplished just about all the things I wished to do around the house, and I'm starting to make small goals for the future (the kids and I are going to plant wildflowers come Spring. I already bought the seeds). I'm on Chapter 6 of Practicing Happiness. I'm doing the work. I'm making an effort. I'm trying so hard. And I'm not allowing myself to feel defeated about small/insignificant things. I'm strong, and I'm resilient. And I'm going to be okay. I am okay.




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