Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-03-05 22:55:52 (UTC)

Not A Lot, Just A Little

It feels like an eternity since I wrote last… really, it’s only been about a week. I’ve definitely become spoiled by the sense of focus and calm I feel writing in some place other than my bedroom. I don’t know what it is, because there are certainly an infinite number of distractions in a public setting, but I just feel a sense of clarity I don’t feel so much at home. I find this unfortunate, since home is where you’re supposed to feel most peaceful and aware. Part of me very much wants to get back to writing daily. It’s a ritual that has carried me through some of the darkest times in my life… and yet, I wonder if my decreasing need to write every single day is a sign that I’m happier and coping with life better. Perfection isn’t an option. Life will never be perfect. But it’s so much more fulfilling than it has been. And I’ve never been more focused on appreciating what I have, because I am more fortunate than I often allow myself to realize.


I haven’t written my resume. I’ve downloaded some templates, but I haven’t done anything beyond that. As has been the case in the past, just when I feel like I’m ready to let go. Find something other than what I’ve been doing the past 10 years, I get sucked back in. Last week, I had lunch with Christine (my manager). I can’t recall ever having lunch with her before, and it was a fluke that it happened on this day. We ended up having a really great conversation. Nothing particularly work-related, but I think the one on one time together NOT talking about work (we share a lot of the same views in life) changed the dynamic of our work relationship, too. Regardless of how the corporate aspect of our company views me, I know that Christine values me, and what I bring to the store. She appreciates my efforts. Sees me as dependable, consistent, and as an asset to the business. She said so in not as many words. I never felt that I was one who needed constant praise (and I still don’t think I am), but I do need to feel needed and valued. To an extent, we all do. I’m not unique in that regard. So, I’m back to accepting my station in life. Not in a complacent way. I’m keeping my eyes open to new possibilities. I’m just not going to allow myself to be unnecessarily miserable if I don’t have to be. My work life could be so much worse… and my hours have picked back up, so the need to find a better paying job has been quelled for the moment.

Over the course of the past week I’ve cleaned the whole house (with the exception of the kids’ rooms and my dad’s explosion in the living room – those areas are not my responsibility), I got my closet done (YES! The BIG project I’d been dreading is DONE!), all the laundry is caught up, and overall I feel much happier with the way the house is looking and feeling. I got up early today (7:30am). I’m writing this at Poulsbohemian Coffeehouse. Once I’m done here, my plan is to hit the gym (because it’s raining and I can’t hike), then go home and work on organizing my dresser, nightstand, and the kitchen cabinets. Really, that’s all that’s left, and I’m excited to finish those projects and have my house back to a more organized and harmonious state. It’s been such a long time! Years, really.

My mental health is in such a good place, but my physical health is being problematic again. Not a lot, just a little. I’m better today, but yesterday it felt like every muscle and joint in my body was inflamed and hurting. The cyst in my knee has become hard and hot. I can’t squat down without shooting fire going up my thigh and down my calf. It needs attention. Snookums is going to check up on the status of his medical insurance paperwork. Although I think his motivation to do so has more to do with the fact that he’s got a toothache and wants to see a dentist. Whatever it takes. I need this dumb cyst out of my leg!




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