Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-02-27 22:26:37 (UTC)

Time To Move On

I write this as I wait for my laptop to download Microsoft Office. My laptop is two years old, why am I just now downloading it? Because I'm just now needing it. I need to write a resume. I found some really great templates online, but I need Word to download them. So, that's what I'm doing. And while I do that, I'll write.


A few nights ago (Saturday night/Sunday morning) I had a disturbing dream. Only parts of it were clear, and other parts inferred. Like, I just somehow knew what happened. In the dream a much younger Kiki (Kiki when she was 8 or 9 - Keenan's age now) had died. I didn't see it happen, but I knew she'd drowned. I wasn't in a deep sleep. I knew it was a dream, and yet it was still painful. In the dream she'd written an essay listing all the reasons she didn't want to die. All the things she wanted to accomplish. And she wanted to talk to her daddy, but he couldn't see or hear her. Only I could. Then I woke up.

Years ago a therapist told me that dreams are often manifestations of other feelings or subconscious thoughts in our mind. The brain isn't linear. We don't think logically in dreams like we do when we're awake. So my dream about my child drowning really wasn't about the loss of a child, or even water. I really need to invest in a book on dream interpretations, but until I do, the internet will have to do. I researched what significance a drowning child or a ghost child could potentially be. One of the possible meanings was pretty poignant, and really the only option that made sense in my life: "The drowning child represents a project or job in danger. Perhaps the tide of events are going against you and you have limited ways of rescuing the job. For example, if you are in a retail job , the dream may be caused by a changing environment or a major competitor taking away your livelihood." Also, death in general can mean an acceptance of the inevitable. My subconscious has accepted that I've gotten as far as I'm going to go with VS. It might finally be time to move on. I'm not even sad about it. Actually, I'm quite peaceful. It's all going to be okay.

Microsoft Office is done loading... here's to taking a small step towards a new beginning.




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