Screened In Porch

Life in general
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2017-02-11 19:18:44 (UTC)

Take care of your body!!!

I have ran into many older people much older than I am who seem to get around just fine. They may have some wrinkles and
look older than they once did, but they do not complain about pain, limp, and sit around like a toad. Matter a fact, I saw a report
of a 98 yr old man who was roller skating. He goes roller skating almost everyday. Looked comfortable doing it. Me? I used to
roller skate. But the fear of breaking my hip and other things just over powers the skill. No way I am doing that.

At the YMCA, there is this is older woman, got to be in her mid 70's. Lord, she runs circles around all of us. Even the high school kids.
Then there is me. Maybe I drank too much. I was not a heroin addict. Never touched the hard drugs. Sure, I smoked pot. I do not
anymore. I drank beer. But not the hard stuff. Now...I hardly ever drink a beer. I stopped smoking period. Maybe too late though.

I feel like a 110 yr old. I hurt like hell. Some days I beg for death. It is that bad.
I drink a lot of water. Goes right through me. MY bladder is leaking constantly. Can not do anything, go anywhere for long.
I have to change that pee pad often. Many people do not understand this shit. I do not tell my business.

I am missing a funeral today. I know I can not handle walking up the steps to the church. I know I can not sit there on that
hard bench for a hour...and then walk down steps. Not happening. Both my husband and son tried to encourage me to
go. But I did not hear either of them volunteer to go with me. Help me walk in and out. No, just tried to make me feel
guilty enough to go. Hell, I am not going.

And sure, there are a bunch of people mostly likely going to be there that I DO NOT WISH TO SEE. That is not it.
If I felt like I could handle all of the stress, my body just can not handle it. Not them. None of them are worthy
enough to control any decision that I make. I can handle being around people I would prefer not to see long enough
to get through a funeral.

There is one liberal bleeding heart over weight cow who likes to trash our President going on and on about that disabled
person he supposedly insulted. She says she is disabled and that hurt her feelings. BUT FUCKING SHIT. Going on and on
about something that did not happen that way only shows how uneducated and informed she is. AVOID.....

There is that girl who laid in bed and allowed me to be raped while she watched doing nothing to help me. She was
messed up on drugs and did not even care I was being brutally raped. She might be there. AVOID......

Then there is the man from SC who is related to this family....who it was said in past that some men in his family molested the
girls in this family who are all grown now. Acting as if it did not happen does not mean it did not happen, unless someone
is making it up to get attention.

A couple of the men who never lifted a finger to help the mother of their kids raise them. Never paid child support. Always
expecting a handout. And to this day has no fucking job and expects their children to keep them up when they never
offered a dime to keep up their kids. I hate seeing that shit. And the fact that your health is bad because you drank
yourself near death is no excuse. Be a man.

Never ending cycle. Since dad never helped mom, then my baby daddy do not have too either.....
( see what I mean ? Not good example )

Many people who took money from the now deceased great grand parents practically robbing them because of their kindness...
just to buy Ecstasy...and have 24 hr parties....When you start thinking back on the way things went down. I understand why
some of us moved away and did not come back. No looking back. Being close by...close enough to see this shit go down....
warped my thoughts on the whole thing. Being used....seeing others get used...sad. Wish I had not witnessed this.

I wish at times I had walked away and not looked back. But.......I tried to stick it out.

None of them have ever offered to help me. I have had cancer, husband too....
not once did any of them ever say..."hey can I stop by and help you out...go run some errands...
help you with housework or cut grass....wash your car" "do you need a break"? Let's go grab
a bite to eat....etc....none of them....

I have done what I can to help pay for the funeral. That girl will be missed. I hate it. I hate it for all of them.
I am not going. I can not handle it. IF they get mad. So be it. Stay the fuck mad.

My death will be in the near future. I will repay all of ya'll by not having a funeral. No need to stop
by here either. He won't be letting anyone in. Nor will I.