Screened In Porch

Life in general
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2017-02-10 02:04:57 (UTC)

Still tryin to pull out of this

I have been so depressed this week. Hard to stay focused. Hard to get anything done. It is very hard.
We have that death of a close friends granddaughter...we have this stupid insane stuff with the government...
and the clowns trying to cause trouble. It is like riding by car wreck and trying not to watch. Hard not to watch.

My nerves are shot. I almost weight 200 lbs. Never in my life have I ever been this heavy. I really do not look
that big...just heavy. Is LEAD growing inside of me? Or do I really look big and in my mind I just do not see it?
Probably the latter. I am a fat ass.

My body is aching. Even I know losing weight will ease that up. But have I lost all ability to reason?

He did go take his class. So, he plans on returning to work. This class will be good for three years. Probably
won't work that long. Not sure. But glad he made that decision. I told him I am not sure if I can hold
a meeting together, show a house, or attend a class in person. I am dreading the one next month. If I
have too, I will cancel it. God, I hope I start feeling better by then at least.

That funeral is Saturday. My friend called this afternoon asking me if I was going? I am not sure. I will
have to see how I feel around that time. If not, they will have to understand. He told me that he
stopped by their house and there were so many cars and people there he did not even get a chance
to talk to them where to sit down etc. I can not attend that kind of setting. He knows. I explained
again that I have a touch of depression as it is. Being around all that sadness is not something I can typically
handle. He knows. He understands. He is gonna touch base with me on Saturday. To see if I can handle
the service. He will probably be wanting to head down to the pub for a beer or two...or five.

Now that...I may be able to handle.