Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-02-08 23:55:37 (UTC)

Poulsbohemian

Even though I feel like I'm becoming more well-equipped with knowledge about my mental health, and am taking a very proactive role in my own recovery, it's still a tough road. I woke up with the familiar sense of doom and gloom. That perpetual gray cloud that hovers over me almost as soon as I open my eyes. I can either work myself out of it, or it takes hold. More often than not, it wins and I settled into the sadness. Or anger. Or feelings of inadequacy, pain, and emotional discomfort. It takes lots of forms, the doom and gloom. Today, I tried fighting it but got hung up on what to have for breakfast. It probably sounds silly to someone who hasn't lived through it, but sometimes the smallest decisions can feel like a puzzle with no clear solution. Or worse, missing pieces. I ended up not eating anything for breakfast. I went back to sleep until lunch time. Probably not the best way to handle it, but I wasn't going to beat myself up about it. Practicing Happiness has already taught me that lesson. Don't dwell on your perceived shortcomings or failures. Just keep moving forward.


I went to the dollar store and picked up a few supplies for my zen bag (that's what I've decided to call the woven cotton tote I got from Phoenix Rising yesterday). It's where I'll be keeping all the tools I need to work my program. I'm taking it very seriously. I found a small notebook to jot down ideas I want to extrapolate on (paragraph one contained a few ideas I felt the need to share), I got some highlighters (that I've already put to use, so I can gloss over completed chapters and revisit ideas easily), a couple pads of post-its, and ear buds. So if wherever I am gets loud I can listen to Calm Meditation radio to drown out potentially distracting noise (I put those to use today, too). The only thing I think I need now is a binder and maybe some dividers. I didn't know until after I'd gotten into the chapter, but I need to make copies of the rumination activity so I can do it multiple times. If I just do it the one time in the book, I might still miss instances where I regress into rumination and then obsession. It's one of those activities that's best repeated often. So, tomorrow I'm going to FedEx/Kinko's to make 10 copies of it. And I'm not going to write on the book copy, so if I find down the road I need more copies, I have the master.

Poulsbohemian Coffeehouse is a cute little place. All the years I've lived in Poulsbo and I've never been in there! I don't feel the same about it as I do Better Living Through Coffee, but Poulsbohemian is 10 minutes from home, not 40, so it'll have to do. There's a big squishy chair off in it's own little nook that invited me to it. It faces a window looking out over Liberty Bay. It's probably a high demand spot, so if I can't always get it, I'm cool at one of the tables also facing the same view.

I got to put one of my lessons to work. As I was reading along, there were two individuals practicing a language. I'm not totally sure, but I think it was Italian. They were talking pretty loud, saying the same few sentences over and over. Ruminating Jennifer would have gotten irritated by it, but instead I tried to remain in a state of positive curiosity. I listened to the inflections of their voices. Tried to see if I could pluck out any familiar words or sounds (I couldn't. I don't speak Italian). Then when I was ready to get back to work, I popped in my new ear buds and listed to meditation music. I could have gotten irritated by the situation, but I chose not to. I made a choice, instead of just letting my emotions do as they please! Progress!

My primary complaint with Poulsbohemian is that they close as 5pm. You could tell the 5 patrons (including me) there 10 minutes till 5pm didn't really want to leave. I'd come to a good stopping point, so it was fine, but I could have stayed there another hour. Easily. Instead, I went to the gym. Today's weather made it impossible to get outside comfortably. Snow and sleet all day. So, I got a good workout in too. Upped my weight on all machines! I'm feeling pretty proud of myself, overall.




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