Screened In Porch

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2017-02-01 20:30:21 (UTC)

Wednesday's sunshine blues

I am really battling with something. Sadness. No reason for it. Nothing that I can mention. Just feel overwhelmed.
I hate hearing from people who remind me of things I wish I could forget. Some people I wish I had never met.
But, it is true.

You see, years ago, I was at a couple's house whom I had known and trusted for a few years. Met them through
the girl who texted me today. They were having a cookout and friends over, so I was there for that reason. This
girl keep trying to get me to eat those alcohol things that they make with jello. I remember having a few just to
get her to shut up about it. I was also drinking beer. I had a van parked out front, but it was locked and for some
reason, they took my keys. So, I laid down on their sofa in the living room. Everyone had left. Guest had.
I told them I would get up a leave after taking a quick nap. I wanted to go lay down in my van, but they did not
trust me to do that. I thought they were being over protective. SO, I choose the sofa instead of arguing.

Later, I woke up, feeling almost like I was in a dream. More like a nightmare. My pants were off. I was in the bed,
not the sofa. I kept feeling something ramming me. My entire body was moving in that jerk ram almost causing my
head to hit the wall. It was that hard. It took a while to realize this was no dream. His wife was just laying beside
where I was laying, sitting up in bed. Their toddler was asleep on the floor beside the bed. This man had something
in his hand and he was raping me with it violently. I reached out to touch her shoulder to see if this was real. She
did not speak, did not move and did not stop him. I could feel nothing much...just the jerking of my body being rammed.

I finally scooted up...enough to get away from him...or move my bottom side far enough to jump up out of bed...
I found my pants laying on the floor...I grabbed them and put them on...and walked back into the living room as
quickly as possible looking around for my keys. They still would not give them too me. I had to lay back down
on the sofa to attempt to gain my strength and trying to come too or calm down. He bent down to my ear and said
in a mean and hateful voice I knew I had never heard him use...."this never happened" "remember that....THIS NEVER
HAPPENED" Then he dropped my keys on the floor.

I waited for him to out of sight...got up....and left.

The next day, my friend, the one who texted me today stopped by my house. I at that time had another friend already
there. So, I had two friends....both knew something was wrong, but I could not tell them. Finally after a while of them
trying hard to get me to talk...I lifted my top and showed them the bruises on my body. Little circles form my bottom
stomach area all the way up to under my breast...and stomach area. That was the shape of whatever it was that
he used to rape me with.

They wanted me to call the police. I should have went to the hospital. But I was scared. I did not want to talk about it.
I did not want my friends to hear about it...my family, especially my husband. Oh hell no. His family hate me enough
to turn this into something else. I could not bare the think of how horrible it could go. They both promised to never
tell.

The girl who texted me today though....in time, she talked to that girl. Let her know she knew what they did to me.
And after finding GOD and all that comes with that life, she forgave the girl. Never went around the husband though.
That couple ended up splitting up a while later. It bothered me that my friend would hang out or talk to that girl after
knowing what she did....it hurt deep. This is a friend I had known so long. Our kids were the age of this woman...
we are older...wiser. But she still forgave her and when I would see them together somewhere...it would really make
me feel in a way.....

the same way I felt today when she texted me. She does not realize that I have never been able to have sex since.
When I have a pap smear, I have to take a valium and I am in bed for week from the pain. My bladder control issue
is from that.....and I will have to have surgery to do some correct the damage.

Would you be friends with either of them?

I do not trust people anymore.

Who could love me and think it is okay to do that?

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