Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-01-28 21:39:57 (UTC)

To Be My Authentic Self

I've had two glasses of champagne (from the bottle my manager gave me for New Year's Eve), so bear with me. I don't feel drunk, but I have developed a slight headache. Exacerbated by the fact that I haven't been drinking enough water the past few days. My throat is still hurting. My tonsils are swollen. I can see my lymph nodes under my skin. I'm a bit miserable, actually. Why is so much happening to me when I have no medical coverage? I asked Snookums if he finished the paperwork (to add me to his insurance through his employer) and he said he has, but I doubt he's actually submitted it. I don't know when I'll be able to see a doctor. Or if I'll be able to keep Dr. Power. I don't think I'll be able to, and that makes me a little sad, but I'd rather have shit coverage than none at all. I'm reasonably healthy otherwise (beyond the minor stuff I've got piling up right now). I just need a safety net in case something needs immediate attention. And I'd like to not get penalized by the government for not being covered.


I wasn't in a bad mood, but I wasn't exactly in a good mood either, which prompted several of my coworkers to ask "what's wrong?" and "are you okay?" which made me kind of not okay, and a little pissed off. I'm such a salty bitch. People caring about me makes me unhappy. How messed up is that? It's not that I don't want people to care about me, I do. It's just that I want to be allowed to be my authentic (less than enthusiastic) self without people wondering why I'm not happy-go-lucky and smiling all the time. That isn't me. It never will be.

I explained to Snookums how much the house being in a state of total disarray upsets me, and while I was at work, he cleaned. It's not perfect, and there's still lots I want to get done, but it was a solid effort. As soon as I came through the door I could see that he'd swept and vacuumed, cleared of the kitchen counters, decluttered the living spaces... his efforts may or may not have contributed to the rather rushed and passionate encounter we had mid-evening while attempting to put away laundry. It was good, too. I get chills just thinking about it. We didn't kiss because I don't want Snookums to get whatever I have (if he hasn't already), but somehow it wasn't any less sensual.

I did just fine without my car today, but I'm sure I'll miss her tomorrow (because I'm off). Snookums said I could drop him off at work and keep his car, but I don't particularly want to go out to pick him up at 11pm. I'll just stay home. Probably go for a walk round Lofall if the weather is nice. Or I'll just hang out in bed and try to shake whatever it is I've got going on. I just want it gone. I'm still grateful it's just a sore throat, but it's really affecting my ability to eat and drink. I've been so under calories and not getting in enough water. It's not good for me. Which today I care about. Next week I might not, but for now I'm trying to practice good self-care.




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