Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-01-10 23:42:32 (UTC)

That's Not What Adults Do

I was very excited about getting to sleep in tomorrow. In fact, I've been looking forward to it for the past two days (because I've opened), but alas, that won't be happening. Someone called out and at 11pm I was informed that I'm needed to open. Why can't people show up for their shifts? Is there something wrong with me that I prioritize work above normal life discomforts? I don't take sick days (mostly because I don't really get sick). Even when I lost my voice, or the times when my back or knee are really bad, I still show up and do my job. It must be nice having that level of self-love. And I mean that. I'm not throwing shade. It takes a level of self-prioritization I just don't have to call out. I'd feel guilty for putting someone out, making someone work for me. Even when I truly should call out and take care of myself, I still show up. It's been that way for over 10 years. Yet another quality about me I'm not sure is truly appreciated, but then again, I'm not sure if anything about my job performance is truly appreciated. Sara and I had a heart to heart about that, actually. She's feeling like she's failing at her job (I would definitely say she's floundering), and I expressed how underappreciated and overlooked I feel. When I talk about it, I get a little emotional. I could feel my voice shaking as I shared my deepest feelings about all that's happened over the past few years. I'm sure she picked up on that. I can't think about it too much. It makes me feel even more like quitting tomorrow and finding something that will serve me more than I serve it. But that's not what adults do...


Back to the mundane: it was incredibly slow today. We've returned to that desolate time of year. It was okay, though. I kept myself busy getting the store in post-holiday/post-semiannual shape (there's a floorset tonight, so it will look lovely when I get in tomorrow). It's a beautiful thing having that chaotic time of year behind me. I'm becoming less and less resilient when it comes to the stresses of holiday. I don't really feel like I've got too many more years of it in me... but today it was okay. And I'll continue to not think too deeply about my true feelings. I'll keep plugging away and hope that something amazing comes along that doesn't hurt my soul everyday.

Keenan came to me tonight to tell me that he's found renewed excitement about ballet. After his stint of disillusionment back in November, he's feeling more excited than ever about continuing practice, and even asked if he can take two classes per week instead of just one. I'd love to make that happen for him. It will double his tuition. But I'll find a way. If they do that for his age group. I don't know if at his level they recommend two classes per week for an 8 year old. He's not interested in taking another type of dance. I know some of the girls take ballet and tap or hip hop, but not two ballet classes. It's a lot, but he's so determined to get good. He also told me about the showcase theme this year. The circus. The showcase is a ways away, but they're starting to work on it now. His plan is to work on his strength from now until then. I don't know why he'd need to be strong by June, but he's serious about making that happen. His determination is adorable.

Why can't I go to sleep earlier? I wouldn't fantasize about sleeping in so much if I could get myself to go to bed before 1am. Last night I totally forgot to set my alarm. Actually, I don't think I can even call it forgetting. I just totally neglected it. I assumed it was set, but it wasn't. If Keenan hadn't come in to use my diffuser to dry his hair, I don't know when I would have woken up. I only had 10 minutes to get ready, but I did it! I even had time to stop for coffee. Christine gave me a Starbucks card for Christmas. Literally the best gift anyone could give me. When I got in the car, my favorite song was playing on the radio. I'm positive the good start to a morning that could have gone terribly wrong was wholly why I had a good day at work. That first hour of the morning is so vital to how the rest of your day goes. So make it good. No matter what.




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