LostInDarkness

Thoughts of the Troubled
2017-01-08 02:39:53 (UTC)

Regret

If anyone were to ask me to describe my life in one word, it would be regret. I hate myself and the choices I've made. Every single one of them. I can't seem to do anything right, I can't make a single right choice. And when I do, if I do, the rest afterwards are the worst to come. I can't stand who I am today, to be honest I don't even know who I am today. I struggle everyday trying to figure out my thoughts, my likes my dislike my prides and joy, I just have no idea what or who I am anymore. I regret everything in my life . I regret trusting those I trusted, I regret giving those a second chance and I regret not killing myself. I wish I did god do I wish I did. I am a complete and total fuck up. People may look st me now and tell me how successful and how great I'm doing with myself but in all honesty I can be doing better. I should have stayed in school and kept my head out of the clouds, chose a better profession and make different choices. Instead I fuck up again and again and again and I can never learn to change. I'm 22, married and have an apartment of my own. Sounds great from a distance but I can barely make it by. I have 6 animals, a car and a beautiful wife but that's not the life I wanted. My thoughts are over whelming, they never fucking stop. I can't stop them. I want to stop breathing to stop the thoughts. Who the fuck am I? I don't even know, I don't think I've known who I was since I was a little girl and then I didn't know who I was. God what am I even doing here? Maybe so I don't have to be a disappoint to everyone around me. If my grandfather was here he would be so disappointed in me. I feel like I'm just wasting time and space. I'm a complete and total fuck up. I hate myself god do I hate myself. I cannot keep living this way. I need a way out.




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