Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2017-01-05 23:20:35 (UTC)

Traversing A Ghost Town

I've reached a point of acceptance... Not with my life, hell no. I'm still fighting against everything on that front. I've accepted that my diary is different, and there's nothing I can do about it. Really, it's just another disappointment in the string of disappointments that is my life. Nothing left to do but accept it...

I'm so sleepy. It's been an up and down kind of day. The down comes in the form of increased poverty. I logged into HR to see how much my paycheck was going to be (before it posts to my bank account) and it's fully half of what it would have been before my job code was changed. I got a title and lost a shit ton of money. Money I already couldn't afford to lose. My hours have been cut, I lost my benefits, AND I'm making less money (because I don't qualify for sales incentives anymore). Any and everything keeping me at VS has been taken from me. What's left? I had a good cry about it, and came to the conclusion that I need to move on. The universe has done everything possible to show me that.

I went into The Food Co-op today. Much to my surprise, it's a tiny Central Market. Similar feel, same products, just on a smaller scale. The sad part though was that even though I really liked the place, I didn't get the best vibe from the workers. Not a single one of them acknowledge my presence, or asked me if I needed help finding something. Despite holding in-depth conversations with other customers. It was like I was an outsider and didn't belong there. And yet, I liked the place. I think I'll go through with the application process. Even though I suspect I might not be exactly what they're looking for.

I feel so dumb for not finding out sooner, but one of my favorite places in the world is much larger than I even knew. There is an elaborate system of trails, old military roads, and 7 other bunkers I had no idea existed! I've been going to Fort Worden for years and never ventured further than the beach and lighthouse. Artillery Hill (where the other 6 bunkers are located, along with a slew of other fascinating old buildings) is completely closed off to vehicles, so you get to walk the narrow old military roads like you're traversing a ghost town. It's surreal and very cool. So, that's how I spent my day. Trying to forget that I'm sinking deeper into poverty and can't afford basic living expenses. I either distract myself with what I love, or I commit suicide. It's a shitty precipice to be teetering on the edge of.

Snookums and I have a day off together! That never happens. But of course he's working a graveyard shift tonight and has school in the morning, so he'll be exhausted. He still wants to hang with me, though. So, we're going to go back to Fort Worden so I can walk the rest of the trails I couldn't do today. I'm not getting my hopes too high just in case he's too tired to go, but I'm really hoping it happens. We so rarely get time alone together.




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