Snuffy

Danielito
2016-12-20 21:49:05 (UTC)

Spiritual post 1

I want to write about something other than dating.

I've been entertaining the idea that God doesn't exist and that all religions are man-made. It's totally plausible. Humans are good at making stuff up and believing things that aren't true. There are plenty of examples of that found in the history of mankind. The mind is easily fooled. And we all have such a strong desire to live forever, to find meaning to our existence, that it's not hard for me to believe we made up stories and reasons for why we're here and where we're going. Also to cope with death and the terrible things that happen to us.

HOWEVER, I'm not ready to give up on God or my faith altogether. It's not like God has been bad toward me. I've been the one who keeps distancing himself from Him. And I have had spiritual experiences, intense emotions when discussing the Gospel. And I've noticed over and over that I'm happier when I'm following God's commandments. It's hard to argue that last point. If it makes me happier, why not keep doing it? Even if it's all made up, even if none of it is true and we're all here as a product of evolution, if living the gospel of Jesus Christ brings profound peace and happiness into my life, I should embrace it.

Anyway, president Jones called me in to his office to get an update on my spiritual status/progress. He was very direct. "Do you pray everyday?"
"No."
"Why?"

"Do you read everyday?"
"No."
"Why?"

"Will you read 2 pages a day and pray morning and night?"
"Ok."
"You will report to me every week on what you've learned."
"Ok."
"I want you to partake of the Sacrament next week. And I want you to prepare to speak at church in April on The Plan of Redemption."
"Ok."

Haha. He's not messing around. I need that. It's like spiritual boot camp. If this doesn't kick me into shape, I don't know what will.

My first prayer in a long time was last night. It was rough. Not because I cried and cried out of shame or anything. It was rough because I have been so out of touch with praying and communicating to God that all I could think to do is ask if he was really there. But my heart wasn't in it and I knew it. I was going through the motions. But I did pray and I prayed again in the morning which was worse bc I can't stay awake, nor can I keep my thoughts focused on the prayer. Morning prayers for me have always felt like a waste of time, even when I was a missionary. My night time prayers were phenomenal back then. I felt like I was really talking to God and He was listening. I often felt like he was giving me inspiration on things I should do in my life. It's been 10 years since then. A lot has happened. Now it's like I've never prayed before. Crazy, right?

I also read 2 pages last night and I must have picked a good chapter because there was a lot of applicable stuff in there for me. 2 Nephi 1. I actually sort of enjoyed it. It would have been less enjoyable had I not had the assignment to report back my impressions to President Jones, or the assignment to speak in a few months on Redemption. I like public speaking and presenting. I'm weird.

Anyway, I'll try to keep writing about how this little spiritual experiment goes. It will be cool to look back and see my progress. I also have the goal to be worthy to enter the temple by April. My whole family wants to go together so we all have set a goal to have our ducks in a row by then to be able to enter. Should be a cool experience.




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