Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-12-12 06:51:21 (UTC)

Ridiculous and Resourceful

I'm feeling both ridiculous and resourceful right now. Not only am I writing this entry (listening to music), but I'm also marching in place (with my phone in the waistband of my leggings), while charging my phone AND laptop simultaneously. I had to prop my laptop on pillows at the edge of my bed to get it at the right height. Heaven forbid someone walk in! There was no time to go to the gym and I didn't get very many steps in walking around the tree farm. Only a handful of fields were open to cutting, but I'll get into that later... actually, I think this marching in place while writing might actually improve my mental clarity. Extra oxygen/blood flow to the brain! I might keep marching even after I reach my goal (I'm less than 2,000 steps away, which isn't as much as it seems).

As he does every year, my husband woke up in a shit mood. He treated the kids like a nuisance, he was curt with me, and basically ignored my dad. He's like this every year. He hates our tree hunting tradition, even though he knows damn well the kids love it and look forward to it for months in advance. I hate everything about the holidays except how my kids react to our small family traditions. That's entirely why I do it. I don't even begrudge him his feelings, because I feel the same. I just need him to not take it out on everyone. I don't want the kids to look back at this time and be reminded of how mean, uninterested, and annoyed their dad was. It's unfair to them. I have made it abundantly clear with him how I feel about his attitude. I have for many years. Yet, he does nothing to improve it. Nor does he apologize to them for making them feel like annoyances. It pisses me off. Which in turn makes me hate the holidays even more. It's just another bad memory to add to the list my mother started. My otherwise loving husband turns into a giant, ambivalent asshole.

On the other hand, I haven't seen my dad so happy in a long time! I think he might have loved it just as much as the kids did, which was sweet. He had no issues with driving in circles, traipsing through muddy fields, looking at a dozen not right trees until we find one we all could settle on. He was a good sport the whole time. It was a stark contrast to my sour puss husband. If dad didn't like the experience, he never let on.

Hubert's was a disappointment this year. Most of the fields we've cut from in the past were totally bear this year. Or had been replanted with very young saplings. A few fields looked like they had some good candidates, but they weren't open to cutting. It was lame. The few fields we had to choose from either had ugly trees or very tall (and very expensive) trees. So, we settled on a too tall AND ugly tree. It's got to be the worst tree we've had in a long time. Since the crap tree we bought two days before Christmas from the Boy Scouts up in Port Angeles. It's bad. And to make it even worse, when dad rearranged the garage, he lost most of our boxes of Christmas ornaments and décor. I bought a bunch of fancy new LED lights last year, and none of them could be found. And none of our old ornaments. So, I tried my best to be positive about the situation... I went to the dollar store and spent $30 on shit ornaments and stockings, so at least the kids had something to put on the tree. They were happy. I'm still slightly peeved, but I'll get over it. I'm only upset because of the expensive lights. I can't afford to replace them. We put an old set of incandescent bulbs we found in a garbage bag in the garage on the tree. It'll do. The kids are happy, and that's what matters.

I got the little gift I got Gen wrapped and ready to mail. And the grandparents cards are ready for the mail as well. It was a productive day.

I just made my step and active minutes goal, so I guess I can stop marching now. Ironically enough, I'm also done writing, so I guess I can take myself to bed now! Yay! I open tomorrow, so I should do that.




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