Syke

Ofthemind
2016-12-10 09:42:22 (UTC)

The Lesser of Two Evils.

I did something bad. I resorted to violence. I could've done a lot of things. I could've walked away. I could've pretended like I wasn't angry. But a lot of things contributed to my own downfall. Guilt. Worry. Anxiety. Stress. Their behaviour didn't help. I reacted. I hit hard... and I liked it. That's what scares me. Stress is a dangerous tool. I'm not sorry. I'm confused. Confused as to why I lashed out so strongly.

I feel guilt. Not because of this. Something else. I have had dreams that starred people who are practically strangers. An extended coffee shop. Why do I only remember this?

I just want to relax, to do nothing. And then complain about how bored I am. Today, I'm not given that luxury. Everything is fighting me. It doesn't help that I'm swimming against the tide.

They're all f*cken drunk. I have nowhere to go. To those who are in my world, I have turned my back. To those who have gone, I wish to join yours.

I'm angry. I'm stuck. I'll die in mid-air, trying to find the right way up; panic-induced heart attack. My heart has a few leaks anyway.

Everything needs to be out in the open. No lies, no secrets. No tip-toeing. How much easier life would be.




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