šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-12-05 03:09:28 (UTC)

I've Walked A Long Way Today.

It's a beautiful hot summer's day. This made for a pleasant experience of walking into town to my legal clinic appointment. I didn't have much in the way of supporting paperwork to substantiate my story, however, that didn't matter at all in the end.
I wanted legal clarity and that's exactly what I got. It was an emotionally painful session for me, yet I managed to get through it crying most of the time. I did my very best to outline the important things and was able to be heard and understood by a kind straight-shooting legal expert. She was wonderful for me and gave me forty minutes of her time which I thought was generous of her. We got through a lot. I couldn't have done it without crying. Her advice was invaluable, truthful and realistic. When I got back home, I knelt down and uttered a prayer of gratitude. Before I embarked on my journey I asked God to help me know what were the most important and relevant things to say. It worked. I didn't realise it was going to be so painful. The reward is immediate. That's some more pain shed from my heart and a little less to live with.
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION ON MY HEART AND MIND never got answered until the very end of the session.
Q - What are my legal rights as a grandparent?
A - I have none.
I bowed my head and wept. Laws have changed and the amendments have been around for a while. This I didn't know.
I've stirred up the rough and rugged dust of the past. Ensuing denial, hostility and departmental rebuff was inevitable.
I have been relegated to the back row of the proceedings and I knew that was the case. Now it's time to change tack and take affirmative action with my family and CYF. I will not EVER be categorised as an insubstantial whistleblower by CYF. The courage to continue. I can't force others to change, neither can I change anyone else but myself...however, I can but encourage and inspire change. The legal expert's best advice today was to not go in with guns blazing like a semi-crazed zealot, but to sit in the circle and "smoke the peace pipe." I am passionate about the care and safety of children, having done such a deplorable job with my own daughter ; gradually abandoning her to drugs and alcohol and causing her harm through physical, psychological and emotional abuse. And not being spiritually responsible for her. As a survivor of horrific and pure evil childhood abuse, I hope my message of change when I get to share it, may instill a desire to seek revovery first.
I cannot do anything further except carry the message of recovery to those who still suffer. Appended to that is amends without causing further injury to those I have hurt.
I am tired. I am hungry. I am going to take care of myself.
I have emotional reprieve and spaces of peace and calm today. (I've noticed it happening over the last fortnight.) It's finding a way to grow this peace out of recent trauma injury. If it works, I work at it.
My gratitude to my lovely neighbour A. who gave me a lift home on her day off work. Bless you chick.

Children have a therapeutic effect on me and how can I not love and appreciate that.


I've walked a long way today. Now it's time to rest and recharge.




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