Screened In Porch

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2016-11-29 02:26:22 (UTC)

The bilogicals sort of

Sometimes I feel bad about feeling like I do. But man it is
so hard not to notice how ignorant people are. When they do
stuff right in front of me and others for the entire bunch of
us to see or hear. What else are we supposed to think? Can
we always be "nice"? Yes. We can be nice. But we can not
control the thoughts that go through our head.

As you all know, I was raised in a foster home. So I do not
really have biologicals. I just do not feel it with them. I
am almost sicken by them. I do not understand how you can
be away from someone all their childhood, teenage years,
young adult years and expect that person to reach out to
you with open arms and bring you into their life, their space
with open arms. Every situation does not work out like those
reunion shows we see on tv. I can barely watch them.

If you meet your biologicals and they talk like a hillbilly and
smell bad. Maybe they do not use basic hygiene. Who knows? Do
u really want to call them and have them in your life close to
your own family and kids? I have a issue with that.

I also have an issue with people wanting to hug me. DO NOT
TOUCH ME PLEASE. I do not want someone I barely know
saying "I LOVE YOU" several times during our conversation.
I just do not feel it. I do not understand none of it.
It has been hard to feel love with people I should love...
because of this crap. Probably has something to do
with not being loved as a child...I had no one.

Anyway....one of the biologicals insist on adding me on FB.
Okay she is married to my biological brother. She has to
know I do not want to discuss our biological parents..
I do not remember them. I do remember somethings...enough
to not want to talk about them. I hated my mother. When
she died. I did not go to her funeral. I only saw her
2 times that I recall in my life...I do not remember much
about the life as a child with her. She was a monster.
So was our dad. So, naturally...when they start posting
photos of her on FB and saying...Pat, this is your mother...
you look just like her....SHIT ON YOU....

I do not know how my brother puts up with that woman. He nor
I either one have ever wanted to be around them. Even now.

She is so stupid...she does not know how to send a message
on facebook. So, I can post something on there...like
a funny video or something like that. People will start
commenting...and all of a sudden...she will post something
personal....

like:

"Did you know your sister has been put in assistant living"

or

"Your cousin said she thought you look so much like
your mother"

"We will call us please"

One, posting that shit makes me sound like look like an
ass hole for sure to anyone who does not know the back
story.

I would befriend her. But I do not want to hurt her feelings..
or my brothers. My brother and I were raised together...but
I do not have anything to do with any of them...they insist
on talking about the past too much.

I live in the now...the future. I just wish people would
understand and respect my feelings.

I hate it.

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