My Letter To The World
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2016-11-25 03:40:33 (UTC)

Thankful and Flashback

Mood: Happy, Content, Excited.
Song: Someone Like you By Adele
Color: Yellow with Blue

It's Thanksgiving day and here is what i'm thankful for:

1. God
2. Freedom
3. Family
4. Friendships
5. A roof over my head even if everything seems to be breaking
6. Hope
7. Music
8. Fair weather
9. Sleep
10. Kindred souls
11. Growth
12. Humble beginnings.
13. People who believe in me.
14. Time
15. Creative outlets

Aside from the subject of Thanksgiving i just had a odd experience I was looking for something and i walked into my closet(it's a walk in closet)
and i just glanced at the top of it on a shelf there is a small box that has probably my favorite and some of the only remaining toys from my childhood, most are gone, given away or passed down to Emma.
But these i kept because they are important to me.
It's some beanie babies Dogs and Cats a few i've had since i was as young as two years old.
They are old and some are ratty looking faded in color like what used to be white on a dalmation now looks more yellowed some that started coming apart that were sewn back together.
worn, played with, loved. (The way all the good toys are)
But next to this box is a bag in that bag is some things brought back from other country's I've been too pictures, money, a couple of books, jewelry and some other things as well, it's all in that bag from when a friend asked me to come to his church and speak about missions and i brought those things as part of my presentation and it's all just still in the bag.

And i just had this moment where it struck me the contrast of those two things sitting side by side.
They are so different the sick kid from the small town in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma with toy's and fears and was a child, a quiet reserved child with no thought of ever going anywhere who's view of the world was 100 mile radius if that much let alone the person who would grow up to go to othe countries and see other cultures to be brave enough to travel somewhere so far and so unknown.
and i literally said out loud "Who would have thought i'd do that? i definitely not me... i'd never have thought that in a million years."

It's so far fetched it's laughable!
And i had a warm feeling a swell of pride.
But i also know that it wasn't me alone that got me to those places that gave me those wonderful life changing chances.
I know that it was largely due to the generosity of others and their prayers, The blessing and support of my Parents and my church family.
And of course in of my own strength i could have never stood and spoke to people in a foreign country to a room full of pastors...
in of my own strength i would have never had the nerve to do any of this as it's all outside my comfort zone i know that God brought me to it all and through it all and am incredibly thankful and humbled that he would call me to something like this...that he would use me.
I feel like i take my place in a long like of people who have this calling kindred spirits.
people who are better and brave and stronger than i'd ever hope to be but somehow i get to be called one of them? wow.

Yet that kid? who couldn't imagine this life that i have...
is still me. :)
i'm still in wonder of it all.
I still say who would have thought???
I guess we should never despise humble beginnings and that we should always remember who we are and where we come from and those who maybe always saw greatness in us when we didn't and don't see it in ourselves.
I think of Winnie Frank... I think she knew i think she always believed in me when i was very very young to young to even begin to think of all the things i'd get the chance to do.
So to her... thank you.
To Gerald who gave me the chance to speak believing i could and that i would and that i would do well and your pride in me.

I don't know whats next... i don't know what i'm going to do but i will try to make you all proud and i will go out and do good.