Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-11-16 07:30:04 (UTC)

I Can't Be Free

I didn't even bother trying to think of something to do with my day. It was decided for me. Snookums called Keenan out of school. So, we stayed in bed. Even though it became clear that Keenan actually was fine, and probably would have been fine at school. I think he misses having more time with me. At one point he said "we never cuddle anymore". I reminded him that that's on him, not me. He's getting older and pulling away, becoming more and more independent. I see that change in him, and I accept it. He still loves me, I know that, but I have to be okay with him growing up... even if he did tell me he misses my milk and wishes I still made it. Which I thought was cute and funny, if a little creepy.

I left my room for all of 5 minutes today. I peeked out the window and saw that dad was gone, so I took the opportunity to go to the kitchen and toast myself a bagel. I'd like to think of myself as a forgiving person, but I'm still a little irritated with him over our blow up last week. I don't feel like this is my house anymore. I feel like I can't be free or do what I want for fear of inconveniencing or disturbing him. I also feel like if I step out of my room I'm inviting conversation and that most definitely isn't the case. I don't always want to talk, but so often if I'm in the kitchen, he'll come and talk to me. I like meaningful conversations more than idyll chit-chat, but I like solitude most of all. Not to mention every deep conversation we've had has resulted in me learning something about him I didn't want to admit (like, he's arrogant. Very self-absorbed. Just like my mother said). I'm holding out hope that things will get better once he starts working and isn't around so much. I wish I felt bad about feeling that way, but I don't. Not even a little bit. I wonder what's taking so long. His interview was almost 3 weeks ago and he still hasn't gotten a start date. Odd.

Snookums brought me a midnight dinner of Pop Chips and Amy's vegan mac and cheese. Such a good man. I guess I'll get to eat something other than a bagel after all.




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