Therapist

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2016-11-16 06:50:38 (UTC)

I missed him

he texted me after about a good week. saying "he going to back to school". adrian. texted me which felt like a complete month, but it was seriously a week. was it the good selfie. or. he just missed me too. I feel horrible, I missed him. I miss his laugh, his eyes, his smile. so beautiful. I honestly don't understand why I miss him... It's not because of my first kiss. it was a spark that feeling that. he might have had the same thing in in return. I will never know if it was love. or lusthe he craved. or we were bo the just desperately lonely.
I got more depressed when I watched the fault in our stars. I just want to be with him, regardless of what others say about him. I know he'll achieve great things. He might not like school, but knowing him deep inside he'll commit to it. anything. anything to get better at it. He's crazy and goes for what he believes in. he's fantastic. I miss him. him. the one boy who annoyed the cap out of me in framers class senior year, who bugged me until I exploded. He just... he's perfect. in many ways. I'd of it was physically attractive is what made me want him. but his way of thinkibg, just reminded me of dad. stuborn, in so many ways. but mom. open minded and try to understand. even though he might have strong opinion on certain things. annoyingly handsome, and sweet. sometimes... sometimes. he makes me feel safe. just safe. Idk going back feels like I'm taki NH a risk to see of it would work out. to see if that spark is still there.

I desprestly want it to be. I feel horrible, going out with Cristin the day I broke it off with him. saying the whole we should remain friends. it hurt. I felt like I let myself down. I believe he'll do great things, that he'll someday explode and just move cities, or build a house of his own and just. live life. I like that about him. he does the stupidest things that make him... beautiful. lol all of this sounds cheesy. He taught me somethings. things I didn't know about myself. how I can be rude as hell, and consider other people's thoughts mostly actions on why they do things a certain way.

he taught me to take risk, seriously dangerous ones. I like it. I loved it. because I just felt right with him. I honestly don't know if hrs still interested in me. if he still had feelings for me, he texted me. I'm not amazing as he says, I've been thinking of him like crazy. crazy. so crazy that people say I was just like that because he was my first kiss. but that's it. actually giving him a shot. probably never, he hold grudges, but I know he'll give in and help others out. he's that of a good heart, he beats himself up a lot. I'm like that too. but honestly hes smart, he doesn't say much, but. his actions speak louder than words.. damn... I miss him. but does he Really miss me??? probably not...

thank you Lord for answering my prayers. he might be stuborn as hell but he's the sweetest boy . promise you that
keep him safe you hear me? he's a little crazy, and might not believe in you but I do. and I want you Lord to keep that crazy boy of to us safe. just. safe. to keep him in peace. keep me in peace. I don't care what anybody says. he's beautiful the way he is. I honestly can not explain it. I jumpedon't so high when I saw he's text from fb. his dirt bike I jumped so high I got butterflys, so many, my heartraced I had to step back. just waaayy back to make sure he really did send me a message. not a hey. or hi how have you been. but... "I went to LS today" the school
that's it. that's it. lord keep him safe for me. taught me every one can do something drastic at their own pace. life is not a race. just go out and live it. and that I'll do. please just don't let him give up on me. or me on him. just keep us safe. even though ought we are four hours away from each other. keep him safe, if he dings a girls at that scvool, fine. might he get a little jelly but I'll never show it. I'll just respect it . and knowing him he'd probably do the same right?

good night,
to us truly, Geek freak




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