Therapist

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2016-11-14 07:26:11 (UTC)

dear lord

maybe i do like Adrian. But why? friends say because he was my first kiss. I have been thinking of him like crazy. I feel bad. I mis him. But i realized he. july 9th is hes birthday, he didn't even text me..well we never tried. I lowly walked away because i knew it wouldn't work. I miss him. I think he hates me. I think he just liked the image of me. I don't want that/ I feel awful. I miss him. I really do. I hope his ego isn't big enough for him. PLease let him text me. please lord let him text me saying he misses me. Please lord let him open up his heart, please lord let us top being so stuborn. please let him be my friend, please protect him in so many ways, even if he's happy with another girl. please forgive the shit talk he tells others about me, or the other way around. i ended it. i feel so awful. i feel guilt. i feel like adick. but hey... it went to fast. it really did. omg...PLEASE let me be guilt free. please. forgive me. I want to text him but i know it would never be the same. I want him to tell me stories, i want to hear his voice but... i know he doesn't care about me. he really just wants to live life, i respect that. It was my fault not letting him think he was't good enough for me. please for give me. i sinned so much, please let him speak to me. please lord let him come back? i miss him. i really do miss him. I am scared to text him first. I think i missed his image of him being there, got used to him texting me all the time. i need help, if he cared he would have texted me happy birthday. he would have texted me a happy birthday, but why am i lying to myself, is it because of pride? is it because of how much he called me beautiful that i don't believe him or anyone who tells me that. I on't believe myself, and what cristian tells me "why do you say you owe me, or don't know what to offer me its like you don't know your self worth" o honestly, hit hard. I don't know my self worth. I believe nobody does, even though the ones that say they do, have struggled so much to maintain the image. i feel horrible. so ,much. I miss him but he does not miss me. I would drop everything to be with him? Maybe. maybe. but would he do the same? no? yes? or would he just say it and not show it. would he not tell me he likes me, for me. would he still be my friend, would i be able to accept him with someone else, with tiffany, his ex girlfriend who i think still has feeling for him, and him to her. I just think he just wants me for sex, since i told him i was a virgin, maybe finding out i wan'ta good kisser. Probably why he asked, shit i laugh everytime i think of the kiss lol How i said no really fast seeing his eyes of rejection lol and i just pulled him back lmfao! damn i didn't think i was that string. probably why it sucked. i felt that spark. the spark. it was so damn weird. Oh well. the stinkyness of fresh cut grass the sweat, just all went away when i kissed him. hugging him. feeling protected. yeah, welp, don't i always fuck it up??? huh? brok e two boys hweart. now im broken. welp, one becomes my stallker and the other just has a big ego. Hates my guts probably. welp. isn't life great? I suck at kissing. lol welp i believe i will never get better. no no.




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