Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-11-05 07:17:55 (UTC)

A Toxic Headspace

I didn't wake up sore, but I did wake up feeling like the very life force had been drained out of me. I could easily have laid in bed all day. Of course I couldn't because I had to work, but I definitely would have if I could have (who am I kidding? I would have gone for a walk just to get my steps in - then back to bed). One of my managers texted, asking if I'd come in early because it was busy... I just couldn't. I could barely get myself going to be on time, let alone get there early. Learning to say "no" is something I am continuously struggling with. I've been too willing to put anything and everything ahead of my own mental and physical well-being. Unacceptable. By the time I got there, it had calmed down considerably and they didn't actually need me after all. Which was validation that I really need to put myself first (over work).

Work was typical, predictable, uneventful. Which isn't the worst. I'd rather it be like that than where I was this time last year. Even though I'm not keen on going into another holiday working retail, I'm thankful that I don't feel the way I felt last year. Like I was underappreciated, underutilized, while simultaneously feeling used and abused. Such a toxic headspace. At least right now I feel like Christine has done everything in her power to make me feel included and that my role is more significant that just another associate. The longest standing associate who hasn't got the good sense to quite yet.

I'm more sore right now than at any point throughout the day. I think tomorrow I'll wake up really feeling yesterday's hike, but it's okay. I'm always stronger once the soreness subsides. And it's a very tangible reminder that I'm working towards my fitness goals, making progress. I'm excited to see how strong I'll be next summer. More challenging hikes!




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