Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-11-03 05:21:45 (UTC)

The Frustration

I'm frustrated with myself, but it's for a minor reason, so I'll surely get over it. I can't stop myself from eating too much. And by too much, I mean to maintain the calorie deficit I want. I lost 1.8 pounds last week, which is totally healthy and on track. I maintained just shy of a 600 calorie deficit per day (that's how precise S Health allows me to track my intake and output. It's brilliant), but this week, I'm lucky if I can manage a 200 calorie deficit. I want all the snacks, I'm more hungry than usual, and if I try to go without, I get a headache. Even though it's not meals I'm trying to skip, just extra snacking sessions. Part of me wants to say "fuck it" and eat whatever and however much I want, but then a bigger part of me is so over the moon by the amount of progress I've made since the beginning of September (14 pounds down, in a very healthy/sustainable fashion. No dieting. No weird supplements or programs. Just moderation and exercise). Also, if my period is on time (it was late last month), then it's only a week away, and that could explain why I want to eat literally everything. Ugh. The frustration.

I can't say for sure why, but oh my goodness, I'm so restless! Physically restless, like I'm unable to sit still or feel relaxed. My legs are so wired, and even my arms and hands are not thrilled at the idea of sitting still. I need cannabis. But I know if I smoke, I won't be able to stay up until Snookums gets home, and I didn't wait up for him last night, either. I just feel kind of miserable. And it's too yucky outside to go for a run. I'm not in a very zen place right now apparently. I can barely write this.

I'm so relieve that I got every single bill I needed to pay paid today. There is nothing looming over my head (except the prospect of getting through the next week with less than $300). I am capable of doing amazing things when I put my mind to it, and I know there is no reason why I can't make what we've got work. Not to mention we've got a pretty good amount of food in the house, so it won't even be much of a sacrifice. We got this.

Since I'm unable to get comfortable or focus, I'm going to cut this entry short(ish - it's not that short) and try to relax my body. Maybe I need to march in place, or something... or text Snookums that I love him, will see him tomorrow morning, and then smoke my cannabis and try to pass out. Why am I so uncomfortable? Its odd...




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