Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-10-28 06:29:56 (UTC)

Sorry If I Repeat Things

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember what I've written about, or if it was something I just thought about in my head. So, to the handful of easily amused individuals who read my mundane life, thank you, and I'm sorry if I repeat things I've already talked about. Sometimes I need to revisit. That being said, I'm going to complain a bit tonight. About something I know I've complained about before. Sorry. Feel free to exit here if you'd like.

I had the hardest time getting motivated to do anything today. I woke up at a decent hour, but I couldn't get out of bed. Snookums has taken to sleeping right up until he has to get ready for work (which is usually until 1pm. This bothers me, and yes I've brought it up to him. He doesn't work late enough to warrant sleeping until 1pm. Which is usually about 12 hours sleep. Every. Single. Night. Ugh... it's not worth getting upset about. It's his life. Whatever) today, I didn't really move out of bed until he got up to look for food. I made a quick tofu scramble only him and I ate, had a cup of coffee, then headed right back to my sanctuary. My bedroom and (on occasion) the sitting room are the only spaces I feel are truly mine. They're where I feel most comfortable. So, I retreated. As usual I couldn't bring myself to do anything after that. I watched Law and Order.

Around 4:30pm Keenan came and asked if we could still go on our rock hiding walk. Even though it was pouring rain. He didn't mind. I figured if he was okay with it, then I should be okay with it too (I hate getting wet, outside of baths and showers). So we got bundled up and headed out. We didn't go very far. We walked less than 1/4 mile before his hair was so wet it was starting to drip in his eyes, and he was done at that point. I admire his valiant effort of trying to continue on as we'd planned, even if the situation wasn't ideal. He's getting to be such a big boy.

After our failed nature walk, we came home and the kids and I made mummy dogs for dinner (veggie dogs wrapped in crescent roll dough. They thought it was the coolest thing ever! I have to admit, it was fun making them. We even gave our mummies ketchup eyes. They turned out so cute, and the quality time with the little ones was well worth the less than well-balanced meal. I should have bought some broccoli to steam, or something to go along with them. Oh well. Not ever meal can be nutritionally exemplary.

Since there was no way of getting my steps outdoors today, and I didn't feel like marching around the house (more likely, my bedroom), I decided to hit the gym. Kiki and Keenan love going to the gym with me. I have no idea why. They do homework, read books, or play on their tablets, but they think it's the most fun thing ever. So, we did that as our evening entertainment. I walked on the treadmill for an hour, then did a quick weight machine circuit. Afterwards we went to Central and bought vegan candy. The highlight of the evening for them, I'm sure.

I think I've mentioned before that I get the distinct sensation that my dad favors Annie over Kiki and Keenan. Today, Kiki and Keenan basically told me that they indeed feel like Papa John "likes Annie better" as Kiki put it. Keenan didn't say much, but I could tell by small nods of agreement that he also feels the same about the situation. As usual, Annie and my dad were off on some sort of adventure, leaving Kiki and Keenan behind. I don't want Annie to think she can't do things with her grandfather, but I will not tolerate it being at the expense of my other two children's self-worth. Either he does more with them, or he does less with Annie. I have no idea how to tell him this, though. I told Annie what Kiki and Keenan said, but I fear that all I've accomplished is making her feel like she's stuck in the middle. Like, she has to be the one to tell my dad to pay attention to her siblings. Or that she has to turn him down if he asks her to do something. They went to Seattle today. Without the kids. I'm tired of it. I also noticed that he has transferred money into Annie's account. I have never and will never ask him for money, but except for the little bit he gave me when he first came back from Alaska, he's never offered anything for living here. He pays for nothing. No rent, no utilities. He does buy food he likes on occasion, and offers to share, but most of it is stuff we don't eat (like powdered milk and eggs, yuck. Or highly processed stuff I'm not comfortable with the kids eating).

Annie's hair modeling thing is in Bremerton tomorrow. Not Seattle. We were going to sneak off to Seattle for a girl's day type of thing afterwards, since we originally thought it was going to be in Seattle, but with the new information I have about how Kiki and Keenan are feeling, I'd rather do something as a family. Dad has a date tomorrow night, so there's no need to feel weird about not inviting him. Not that he has any issue not inviting people. Ugh, I just hate how toxic this all feels. But I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. I don't want him to think he's not wanted here. Or that I don't love him. I do. I just have to put my kids first. Always. There has to be some way of addressing this without making him feel like he's done something wrong.




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