Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
There Will Always Be Pain
The highlight of my day was how good my body feels. There is pain. There will always be pain, but the way I'm feeling in my skin is joyous. I didn't realize how miserable I'd become. Being overweight doesn't help my back or hip pain, either. I'm optimistic that as I get closer to a more ideal weight, I'll reach a point where pain isn't a constant companion. I just want some relief that doesn't require knocking myself out in the process.
I found out today Annie is doing a little modeling for a friend of mine who's a hair stylist/cosmetology student. She goes tomorrow for an allergy patch test, then gets the actual styling done on Friday. I want to be there for that, so I found someone to cover my shift (a little 4 hour closing shift). We're probably going to spend the whole day together. Something we haven't done in over a year (when we went to Seattle to find her homecoming dress). Why do I feel like a bad employee for giving up my shift? Like I'm less dedicated than everyone else. All because I want to spend a day with my oldest child who will be leaving home soon? My managers get to take whole weeks off, but I'm sitting here feeling guilty about taking one extra damn day off. I hate how hard I am on myself. Much harder than anyone else is.
Even though I feel super-stoked by how great my body is feeling, I felt very unmotivated to get my steps in today. Or do yoga. I even considered missing my steps and just going to bed... but I didn't. I got my steps in, and I feel better for it. It's always a mental game, pushing myself to do what I know I need to do.
Tomorrow the little ones and I are hopefully going to hide the Kitsap Rocks I found during my walk yesterday. I love that time with them more than anything. Our walks together, time in nature. The only possible hitch is the weather. It's supposed to rain, and I'm not about nature walks in torrential downpours. Fingers crossed we get a break in the persistent rain we've been having.
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