rainy

My heart in a knot
2016-10-26 18:22:09 (UTC)

Lots of thoughts

I voted today, I wasn't going to vote because this election has been what I would describe as a disaster. I was even supposed to write an entire entry devoted to just that topic but I never got around to it. Honestly I'm scared for the next 4 years here in America, I would say since I have been of legal age to vote that this has been the most difficult election I've had to face. I just want things to get done who ever wins this election.


One thing that I also want to mention about voting that is kind of bothering me is that my sister hasn't voted yet and I doubt that she will, she hasn't voted in years actually, and she seems to have no desire to even care about politics. My problem is that I feel embarrassed that she is my older sister but we are so different, she doesn't seem to have any desire to grow or change and here I am panicking about this new job and how it would be such a great opportunity for me to possibly get out of the hole that I'm in. My sister and I have completely different values but there seems to never be any effort on her part to change... take me for example... at this point in my life I'm tired of living in this house and living this kind of life, I want bigger and better things and I'm trying hard to work towards it but I feel like my sister has no goals, no ambition... like she just wants to play video games and that's it.


I'm not perfect though.. not even close.. actually the closer I get to the date of my training where I will go and meet the woman who might offer me a job I feel nervous. I found something new to worry about because I realize now that she might be very conservative and maybe she will have expectations of how I should be, maybe she will wonder if I can actually do the job or not. Then what if I've wasted these last 3 weeks waiting on them to offer me a job and I don't get the job? what if I go and question my own ability and want to back out? What if I don't like the commute? there are so many "what if's" that are going through my mind right now. I don't even know if these are normal things to worry about.. I do recall worrying if I had it in me to do my last job and it turned out that I was just as capable as anyone else, despite how stressful it was. So maybe I'm over worrying.


I wanted to write about a bunch of other things but it looks like my mind has shifted onto something else that I actually feel embarrassed to write about... I will say that I've been doing well sticking to my diet and it seems like I am making progress. Today I found some Kefir on sale for $1.09 so I got about 7 of them to have during the week with my regular probiotics. I will continue to report on how that is going..





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